My thumb rubs over her knuckles and I can feel her relaxing a little. Jack wasn’t out to their parents when we met, but I knew from what he told me that they were not parents of the year. My opinion of them got worse after he did. I didn’t know it could go lower before today.
“Are you struggling to talk about how you feel with Jack too?”
She lifts the cup to her lips and takes a sip of coffee, her eyes still avoiding me. “Sometimes, yes. It’s just—I don’t really understand my own thoughts and feelings most of the time. Except anger. I can express anger just fine. But the rest? It’s difficult. Even with Jack.”
I nod slowly and give her hand a squeeze. That makes her lift her face a little, our gaze meeting.
“I’ll tell you something I’m feeling right now, is that okay?” I ask, and I see her hesitate before she nods once, not pulling her hand away from mine. “I’m feeling a little guilty.”
Her brows lift in surprise. “Why?”
“Because even though I said I didn’t want to, I kinda took advantage of you being drunk last night. A good guy wouldn’t have listened when you spoke every thought that went through your head. I shouldn’t have told you how I felt about you, because it was easier for me when I thought that maybe you would not remember.
“I’m also feeling relieved that you do. Even though it makes you uncomfortable, I’m glad I finally told you. And even if it was only the drunk you thinking, I’m relieved that it’s not one-sided. That you might be feeling something for me too.”
She sighs again. “See? I can’t say stuff like that. Even in my head it’s allmixing together, and all over the place.”
“What if I ask you questions about it? You might have to dig into “drunk you” memories, but it might be easier for the talk I really need to have with you.” Her eyes dart around the room, and she slides her bottom lip between her teeth nervously. “Or if you want to, I have some tequila somewhere…”
There. A small smile, but a smile nonetheless. We’re getting somewhere.
“Definitely not drinking tequila for a while,” she chuckles before releasing another long breath. “I guess we can try the question thing.”
I smile and her eyes slide to the side of my face again.
“Alright. For example, you said yesterday that I smelled… Safe. Why is that? With all the things you said you hate about me, I would have thought…”
She groans, turning her reddening face away. Okay, maybe not the right question but…
“I’m not sure,” she says, interrupting my thoughts. “I like your perfume. And every time I smell it, it reminds me of that time you wiped the graphite off my face with your shirt. And it might be surprising for you to hear, but when I met you I had this silly crush. I quickly pushed all thoughts of you away with the gossip going on about you having visited most of the campus’ girl’s beds and all, but that time you stepped in it just… It meant something to me. And now, when I… I smell you, it just feels… Comforting? Like you might step into any situation I’m in and… I don’t know, really, it’s silly, and now you’re looking at me with a weird smile and I’m obviously making a fool of myself because of drunk me and—”
“I like the way you smell too,” I interrupt with a chuckle. “Your hair in particular. Peaches and honey. I’ve actually considered stealing a bottle of your shampoo.”
Her eyes widen. “That would be weird,” she says, stifling a laugh.
“No judging what people are feeling,” I say, narrowing my eyes and squeezing her hand again playfully. “Especially when “drunk you” wanted me to take my shirt off to smell my skin better.”
Her face turns the same color as a ripe strawberry, and I laugh.
“Not fair, you can’t hold “drunk me” voiced thoughts against me!”
“Then don’t judge my intrusive stealing shampoo thoughts.”
She laughs now, and I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of that sound.
“I’ll tell you what,” I say when her laugh stops and just a smile remainson her face. “Two random feelings a day.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ll share two random feelings with each other. Everyday.” She arches a brow in confusion. “It’s easy, we see each other everyday. And if at the end of the day you still haven’t given me your thoughts, I’ll ask you questions. Like I did now.”
“I don’t know…”
“Come on, sweetness… It’s notforbidden…”
She rolls her eyes and throws a napkin at my face that I don’t even bother to dodge.
“You’re evil. Making fun of me for things I said while being drunk. Trulyevil.”
