I turn off the cooker and empty the frying pan on two plates, a small smile on my face as I place them on the dining table. A tall glass of water and an ibuprofen are already waiting for her.
Just as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, I start to pour two espressos.
Am I bribing her with food because I feel a little guilty?
Yeah, maybe.
From the corner of my eye, I see her freeze, finally spotting me. I glance at her with a side smile and she blushes, her eyes dropping to my cheek.
The sight of her wearing nothing but my shirt? Probably one of the best ways to start my day. It reaches her mid thighs, and it’s large enough that I barely notice that she’s not wearing a bra underneath.Barelybeing the key word here. Because I do notice. And I shift a little when the swelling in my jeans becomes quickly uncomfortable.
Why does she keep pulling down on the hem?
“Good morning, Sweetness,” I say, clearing my throat. “Did you sleep well?”
“Hum… I—uh… Yeah. My head hurts, though. And my feet.”
I nod, grabbing the two small cups. “I made breakfast. And there’s an ibuprofen waiting for you on the table. You knocked your feet against the car door and you almost fell out of the car…”
I tilt my head towards it and follow her when she limps in this direction. She stops in front of the table, hesitating.
“Is there something wrong?” I ask, worried.
“No, I’m just—I… Shit. I’m mortified and I’m not sure I can sit in front of you. Do you think we can change the sitting arrangement you made, or—”
I place the cups on the table, next to the plates, and take another step to stand just behind her. I pull her chair without saying anything, a silent invitation to sit. She does, with a defeated sigh and I hold a chuckle.
“Why are you mortified?” I ask, ignoring her request and sitting in front of her.
“You know why,” she whines.
“Enlighten me anyway? I wouldn’t want to assume.”Or mention something she doesn’t remember.
She grabs a fork and starts to push the scrambled eggs around on her plate, her eyes fixed on it.
“Is it… Because I saw you drunk?” I try, keeping my voice innocent.
“I don’t care about that,” she mumbles. “I—I remember. And I said things. Things I shouldn’t have and that should never have—”
“Are those things the reason you feel mortified?”
“It’s many things, alright?” She sighs again, dropping the fork and rubbing her forehead, pinching the bridge of her nose, her eyes tightly shut. “I don’t know what to think. We should have talked about it last night, when I was still drunk. Now my head’s a mess and I can’t talk about it.”
“Why can’t you?” I ask, pushing the ibuprofen closer to her until she notices and takes it with one big gulp of water. “If you rememberallthat was said last night, you know where I stand on this. So, we should talk. About what you said, but also what I said. I want to know how you feel about it.”
“That’s the problem,” she says, leaving the now empty glass of water to trade it with the espresso. “I can’t say how I feel about all this, because the only feelings I’m able to express are negative ones! Feelings are just… Too much for me. My family is fucked up and now, unless I’m drunk, I can’t speak or understand how I feel most of the time, and it’s just—too many feelings and—”
“Hey, hey…” I lean forward, grabbing one of her hands into mine, and she stops rambling, her breathing labored. “It’s okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push.”
She nods a couple of times, her eyes fixed on her plate. Her hair is up in a chaotic messy bun atop her head but a few strands are falling over her face.
“Is Jack struggling as much as you do?” I ask softly.
She shakes her head. “He doesn’t. But because of his disease, they never berated him as much about hiding his emotions or just… expressing how he felt.”
“And… I know you’re not close to them, but how about your other siblings? Jack told me you were a family of five?”
“Yeah, well… They’re basically strangers. We all feel some kind of resentment towards each other, and trust me,thatwe can express. I don’t know how they’re doing now, but we never really talked. At least they didn’t talk to Jack and me.”
