Nuri: Jason Perkwood? Why are you meeting him? Is it like a date or something?
Prudence: No, I was looking for a male model to work on my sketching, he offered.
Nuri: Why a male model?
Prudence: I can never get the chest and abs muscles right, it’s a nightmare.
Nuri: Wait, you’re going to be alone with a shirtless Jason Perkwood and only sketch him?
Nuri: What’s wrong with you?
Prudence: I never said we would be alone…
Nuri: Come on, I know you feel more focusedwhen you’re working alone or in small groups.
Nuri: I’m guessing you’ll meet in your room or his? Will you have hot messy sex on canvas and notepads, covered in graphite?
Prudence: I hate you.
Nuri: You love me.
Nuri: Be safe and remember that you can always change your mind! I’ll have my phone with me if you need a save.
Prudence: I love you.
PRUDENCE
He’s late, not answering my texts, and leaving me on read. Why would he stand me up? It’s December and he’s been nice and talking to me since I’ve been allowed to join their 4th year anatomy class 6 weeks ago. He was even the onewho offered to pose for me when I mentioned I was struggling in class this morning.
He should have been here fifteen minutes ago.
And I feel like a damn idiot, walking around in circles in my room.
At least my new roommate Sonja has left for the holidays and is not here to witness my pathetic ass being stood up. She’s been here for two weeks and I’m not even sure she’ll be back after the break. Good riddance… She didn’t even go to class once. She spent that whole time talking about boys, and only boys. I’m pretty sure she has her eyes set on my Brother’s best friend—who hasn’t? I’m almost certain he fucked about half of campus. Heisquite easy on the eyes, but I don’t understand the general obsession (okay, I get it, but I’m just mad at him since I heard him talk a guy out of dating me). What’s annoying me the most is that when girls learn about his connection to my brother, they become quite the vultures around me. And it’s so obvious that I can’t help but feel a little sad for them.
And scared for me.
The point is, Sonja is one of those vultures, and I’m glad she’s not here to witness this embarrassing situation.
Oh god, I’ve been stood up.
And it’s not the first time since I started college.
I was supposed to go on a date about two months ago and the guy never showed up. He went as far as to block my number and the few times I thought I saw him around campus, he changed his trajectory so our paths wouldn’t cross. Same thing happened in late November with another guy. And the guy Nate told not to date me.
What’s wrong with me? Is there a game between them? Is there something on my face that only other people can see? If there is, I’d like to know, at least so I don’t embarrass myself even more.
I let myself fall on my bed with a heavy sigh and catch my reflection on the mirror hanging on the door.
“Mirror, mirror, who’s the dumbest of them all?” I ask, forcing the most ridiculously sad smile in history and staring at myself. And I try to see it. To really look at my face. I never thought there was something wrong with me before, but maybe I haven’t tried hard enough to see myself the way other people might see me. Never really cared, until now. My nose is not perfectlystraight and it feels like it’s slightly turned to the side. One of my eyes looks a little higher and wider than the other one. My left canine is a little longer and sharper than the right. “All this time I thought I was ordinary, when I apparently am an ugly troll. What a nice revelation to have…” I whisper to myself.
I fall backward until my back meets the comforter.
I’ve been stood up. Again. And this time, it hurts a little bit more, because I was actually excited at the prospect of drawing for a couple of hours and improving my technique. It doesn’t just hurt my self-confidence, but also my work, in a way. I wasn’t even expecting him to flirt with me or ask me out or anything. Just to draw him. Because, let’s face it, I was ecstatic when he offered; I’ve seen him shirtless a couple of times at parties on campus and he’s hot. A little too bulky, but has well defined muscles. A work of art and a really good subject to work on my sketching skills.
And now, I’m left alone, with no one to draw, and too embarrassed to text Nuri. She won’t judge, or pity, or make fun of me, I know that. But my ego is a little too bruised and the wound too raw.
I’ll tell her. Tomorrow. Or maybe I shouldn’t, because she might go berserk on his ass.
