Letters.
They land in my arms and my breath hitches in my throat. The man leaves. And I don’t know what he said. And I don’t know what is going on.
People are staring at me again.
Pity.
They share my grief, but they don’t understand. They don’t know. I’ve lost him.I’ve lost my sun and I’m lost without his light.
Letters.
All I have left of him.
He’s gone, and he took a piece of my soul with him.
I take a step back, holding the thick pile of paper, stepping away from our friends. From our family.From Nate.
He looks at me with a mix of sadness and confusion, but I can’t stay here. I can’t look at them, looking at me. I’ve lost Jack. I’ve lost the best part of myself.
They won’t care for me now that he’s gone, because I’ve always been his sister. I’ve only shone because his light reflected on me. He was the solar one. He was the light that brightened the room.
And it’s so dark here now.
I turn around.
I feel their eyes on my back. I hear their voices calling me.
I don’t turn. I can’t turn.
I walk faster, losing my shoes behind me.
Faster.Faster.
I run.
Run away.
I need to run. I need to leave. I need to go before my darkness swallows them.
Before their own light dies out.
49
FIND YOUR WAY BACK
January 12th, 2020
Prudence,
Do you remember that time we got lost in the woods, back in Aspen? I thought I was going to die there, and the only thought I could focus on was the fact that I needed you to find your way back so you could live. I’ll admit it was a little dramatic since we got out not even an hourlater, but still.
I’m not sure I ever told you the story of how I became the sunflower to your bright sunlight, so I’ll tell you now.
With me, they thought they were adopting their last kid. I was the most adorable blond baby boy. Their “Golden Angel”, they called me on the adoption announcement (I know, I’ve seen a copy stashed somewhere at uncle Geoffrey’s).
Boy, what a shitshow it has become since then.
I was supposed to be their last, as they said to everyone. But I got sick, and I quickly became too much (or not enough?) for them. I don’t remember much before you. I was really young when a couple of years after my diagnosis, they brought you back with them into our cold mansion.
