I think of Evie. Ikram. Even Matthew at the precinct with whom I drink my coffee nearly everyday with. And I know that I wouldn’t have been as open to our friendship if we met before. Before Jack told me he wanted to settle here.
Because meeting people and building friendships can be easy when you meet the good ones. The hard part is to let them go.
“Yes.” I admit.
“So deep down, you know we’re here to stay. There’s nothing stopping you from finding love as well.”
I know, I just don’t want you to know about it. Because I don’t know where this is going. Because I have no idea what I’m doing. Because, if I screw up, it will be awkward between Nate and you and this time, I’ll be the actual reason you lose him again. Because I’m scared of messing things up for you, and for me. It’s easier for me to pretend I’m not ready, than to risk breaking something that is so new. Because reality scares me after I spent so much time hiding in fantasies and stories.
“Yeah. I know,” I say instead. “Maybe soon. Who knows? We might even go on double dates.”
He smiles, the expression creasing the corner of his eye. “Yeah. Definitely. No matter who the lucky guy will be, if he makes you happy, I’ll be happy.”
He turns his face then, and I frown. Why does everything he says feel like it has a hidden meaning? Am I so worried he’ll find out before I’m ready to tell him that all his words make it sound like he already knows?
I look at my drawing. No matter how high she is, at least she looks like she doesn’t have a worry in the world.
Maybe I’d like to fly too, sometimes.
33
THREATS AND THIEVERY
Prudence: Can you cover for me?
Prudence: I told Jack I was going out for drinks with you.
Evie: I don’t think it will be necessary.
Evie: He and Ikram have a date of their own.
Prudence: I know, but just in case?
Evie: Sure!
Evie: But I do think you should tell him about Nate and you.
Evie: He’ll be happy for you.
Prudence: Not yet.
Prudence: I’m not even sure what is going on.
Prudence: I don’t want to make things weird if it doesn’t work out, you know?
Evie: I’m optimistic about you guys ;)
Evie: Anyway, enjoy your date!
Prudence: Thanks! <3
PRUDENCE
How am I supposed to mind my own business and focus on my paperwork after feeling Nate’s lips on my cheek? I swear, my skin is still tingling where he kissed me.
I knew he was coming here to treat one of the detectives. But was I expecting something other than just an awkward wave from across the hall? No. Was I expecting him to stroll towards me, his hands in his pockets—comfortable like he owns this place—to give me a peck on the cheek and a squeeze on the hip before just walking away with a wink and a flash of his dimple? No,definitelynot.
So, here I am, in the break room, taking root in front of the old coffee pot that was probably already here last century. I’m vaguely aware that some people are talking with each other around me, but unable to focus on what they’re saying or if they’re even talking to me.
