I can see it in his eyes then. He knows. He knows why we believed what they said so easily. He remembers that even if he apologized when I was about eighteen for the way he treated us before, they’ve all been nothing but awful to us for years. That apologies don’t erase all scars.
“Look, I’m glad we got to clear the air. I don’t know what you expected when you told me about the stroke, but I don’t plan on coming home to see him. We have our own lives, and we’re happy.Jackis finally happy.”
“Don’t you think he should be able to make the decision himself?”
“Absolutely,” I nod. “But you calledme,nothim. And that’s my answer. Feel free to call him. Ifhedecides to come see our father, then I’ll come with him. But it won’t be my choice, because as far as I’m concerned, I won’t put any work into a relationship that’s already broken beyond repairs.”
He nods, just a slight tilt of his head. I don’t know if he will actually call him or not. But I said what I had to say and even if it hurts, it feels good to close a door that’s been left ajar for too long.
I know now that our parents lied. To us, and to them. And maybe someday, things will get better between all of us. Maybe those relationships, unlike the one with our father and mother, aren’t too far gone. That it’ll take time, but we can actually learn to all be siblings, without all the fights and drama that we had before.
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry. If they told the truth, things would have been vastly different,” he says, his voice soft, the sounds of the kids playing a little farther away. “I don’t want to speak for the others, but I wouldn’t have cared. Gay or straight, sick or healthy, Jack would still have been my annoying little brother that I never got to really know. And I wish we were raised differently. Maybe then, I would’ve been better. Maybe then, you would have doubted them when they lied.”
“Yeah, well, our parents are kind of shitty.”
He chuckles, the sound a little dry. “Yeah. I think none of us were actually happy back then.”
“Why do you still hang around, then?”
He pauses for a few seconds, looking lost in thoughts. “I’m not sure anymore. But for all their flaws as parents, at least they’re doing better being grandparents.”
“If you say so,” I shrug.
And here comes the awkward silence, where we both stare at each other through our screens, not sure if we should end the call or say something else.
“Well, I need to go,” I say, deciding it’s better to just be done with it than wait for him to make up his mind.
“Sure. I—It was good talking to you. I’m glad you told me the truth, and I’ll… I don’t know. I’m supposed to see everyone tomorrow at the hospital. Is it okay if I tell Naveen and Amy?”
“If you want to. We thought they already knew anyway.”
“Good,” he pauses again but speaks before I can press on the hang off button. “I’ll call Jack. And I’ll call you again. Just to catch up. Would that be okay?”
Would it?
“Maybe in a little while. I think I need some time.”
He nods again. “Okay. Well, I hope we get to talk again soon.”
After a few more awkward nods, I hang up the phone, dropping it face up on the bed.
I won’t tell Jack. Not yet. If they want him to know, they’ll call and tell him themselves.
Tonight, it’s about us spending time together. Storytelling like we’ve done a million times before, when it was just the two of us. Him working ona story while I draw whatever comes to my mind and we exchange about it, giving each other challenges and ideas.
Tonight it’s about us being siblings.
32
SHE LIKES TO FLY
Nuri: I just landed.
Prudence: How was your flight?
Nuri: Weirdly good.
Nuri: No children crying, no one fighting over seats.
