“Of course we asked!”
“Then how the hell do you not understand?!” I yell back.
“How am I supposed to? Dad said Jack didn’t come back here because he hated all of us! That he somehow blamedusfor his disease! And with you glaring at us all every time you came back, it was not a surprise when he told us you felt the same and decided to stay with him!”
My jaw drops. My heart is beating a hundred miles a minute and my palms feel clammy against my thigh.
That’sthe excuse our father gave everyone? That our mother stood behind? That our siblingsbelieved?
An hysterical giggle leaves my throat, the sound sharp and loud in my ringing ears. And I can’t stop. The giggle turning into a full-on laugh.
“What’s so funny?” He asks, very clearly annoyed by my reaction.
But I don’t stop. Can’t stop. I laugh, and laugh, and laugh, almost struggling to breathe. I laugh because I can’t cry, won’t cry for them. Not anymore.
“Wow,” I say, taking a breath and wiping my eyes. “How dumb are you all?”
“Excuse me?”
“No, I don’t think I can forgive. Jack might, someday, but I won’t,” I say, shaking my head. “Dad lied. Jack never blamed you for anything. Any of you. Our dear father disowned him and told him to stay away, to never come back home.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“I’m not? Ask the perfect grandmother of your children, then. Ask her how she stood next to him and did nothing when he told Jack he was no son of his. That hedeservedto be sick. That none of you wanted to see him again and he would have preferred him todiethan begay.”
Tham rears back, lips parted, eyes open wide. The surprise on his face impossible to fake.
“Ask her. Because she was there. She did nothing and said nothing. Ever the perfect submissive wife for him and coldhearted mother to us.” I pause, fighting the pressure behind my eyes. “So no, Jack did not blameyoufor anything. He’s a fucking soft-hearted saint who wouldn’t have hesitated asecond to pick up the phone if any of you called him in the last ten years. No matter that dad told him you all hated his guts for being gay. But none of you did. None of you questioned for a second the excuse dad gave you. And for that, you don’t deserve him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’tcare.”
“And yet, I am!” he says, his voice hard. “I’m—none of us had any idea. And that actually explains… A lot. Why mom always goes out of her way to convince us not to call any of you. I mean, when I tried from the hospital yesterday she nearly ripped the phone from my hands and started blabbering about you not being allowed to come to the hospital because it would upset dad even though they complain all the time about you never coming back and never joining our group calls.”
“Then why did you call me anyway?”
“Because I—” He stops, darting his gaze on the side for a moment as I hear children running and Julie laughing behind them. He had a three and a one years old the last time I saw him. They must be all grown up now. Maybe he even has more. “I needed to talk to you. To know if it was true.”
“It’s a little late to question it.”
“It is, but I did. Wealldid, from the start, in our own way. Naveen buys all of Jack’s books. I don’t know if he reads them, but they’re all in his office’s library. Hidden from mom and dad, but there nonetheless. I still have all your creepy drawings from your Bones’ phase and Jack’s little short stories in a folder. Amy keeps listening to the True Crime podcasts you guys traumatized her with when you were teens, even though she hates feeling scared.
“None of us were truly ever able to let go and erase you from our lives. We always wondered if we knew the whole story and what happened for you guys to suddenly hate us so much you couldn’t even see our faces anymore. But mom and dad don’t know any of it, and we keep quiet when we’re with them. For all these years, even though we thought you guys hated us, we could never let go.
“So, I’m sorry. I know you don’t care, but I am. And Naveen and Amy will probably be as devastated as I am to learn the truth, but we can’t change the past, Prudence. We can only make sure to be better. And I know, if you let us—”
“It’s not up to me, Tham,” I sigh, barely over a whisper, the fight gone from my voice. “I was hurt but it’s nothing compared to what Jack went through.”
He set his phone on something then, before sliding both his hands over his face, the same gesture he always did when he was getting frustrated with something.
“Our family is fucked up,” he says, rubbing at his eyes. “I know that now. Even back then, the way they treated Jack and you, it wasn’t okay. I hate that I didn’t notice before, but I do now, and… Shit, I can’t even fathom how they could just erase Jack from their lives and lie to us about it.”
“Maybe you should ask yourself why you believed them so easily.”
He frowns. “What?”
“When they said you didn’t want to see him again, that you hated him too. You should wonder why it was so easy to believe. Because unlike you, we had no doubt that it was probably true.”