Page 9 of The Wonder of You
My heart beats widely despite the calm that my body seems to be accepting. I feel like such a child but I think I am in love.
“It’s you,” he says so simply, so softly. His eyes never leave mine. There’s wonder in his eyes.
Surely, I cannot look as much like a dream to him as he does to me?
I am just simple, boring Renée.
I shake my head, trying to make sense of this. He’s the second person here to know my name without me saying it. This must be a mistake. I don’t understand what is happening here.
Lukas leans forward and grabs the man’s elbow, seemingly to steady him. The man takes a few moments to turn around, his eyes so intent on mine, like he sees right through to my soul.
When he turns to face Lukas, it appears they’re having a conversation with just their eyes. No words are spoken, but there is enough head tilting and expressions that I cannot decipher to suggest that neither of them need to say a thing.
The man steps back, takes a deep breath and stretches his hand towards me.
“I’m Phoenix,” he introduces and I want to sayyes, I know.But I don’t know him. Do I?
The feeling is so overwhelming. I shake my shoulders and make a little giggle sound that is rather embarrassing, but Phoenix seems unfazed. I notice the way his lips go up, as if he’s about to smile or maybe laugh too.
Finally, I lean forward and shake his hand.
“I’m Renée…well, I guess you already know that. Lukas told you I suppose.” My voice is high-pitched, and I feel silly for not working out straight away that Lukas must have told him my name on the way over.
As our hands touch, I feel like I am being woken up.
I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long.
What? What is going on inside me?
I look at our hands joined together and oh no, Iamin love. I have the strangest feeling that I know this man. That I’ve known him for all of time.
Am I going to cry?
“Do I know you?” I ask weakly, my voice shaking.
His face twists with confusion, as if I’ve hurt his feelings somehow. He opens his mouth to speak, but he seems lost for words. Lukas steps forward and I jump. I forgot him and Maudie were here. For a moment, it felt like just me and Phoenix in the world.
It’s like my ears pop and I hear the music of the circus again, the man shouting to roll up, roll up, laughter and joy filling the air. I blink several times, disorientated.
“Phoenix is our ringmaster. I thought I’d introduce you to him.” Lukas glances at Phoenix, whose eyes are still on mine.
“Oh, okay, cool!” I run my now free hand through my hair and look back at Phoenix. I would like to run my hand throughhishair. It looks so fluffy and full and… oh, bloody hell, I need to stop it! Who am I right now?
“I really like your name, is that your birth name?” I stutter.
“Yes.”
“The phoenix bird symbolizes immortality, resurrection and life after death,” Maudie tells us with a wide grin on her face. She is clearly proud of herself. It makes me smile. She looks so sweet and small, but her statement makes her seem so much older, even if she did stumble over the wordsymbolizes.
“I like that.” I smile and nod my head. “Where did you learn it?”
“From you,” she says so simply.
A weird noise comes from my mouth which sounds like a mix between a laugh and a cough.
I pull on my earlobe for no reason other than feeling awkward. I don’t know how to be right now. I notice how they look at me like it’smypresence here that actually symbolizes something.
I clear my throat to fill the silence.
