Page 64 of Gold Rush
“I think I’m supposed to anticipate your needs, and I won’t lie to you, I don’t know how to do this. I feel like I’m failing you, failing my biology, failing this pack — I need to go back to Paris. I have work I should be finishing and a deal to complete.”
Something in my chest snaps and I take a step back, my voice barely audible. “Oh.”
“But” — Arin stops me with a single word — “I will remain here for your heat, if that is something you want from me.”
My eyes burn as I suck in a ragged breath. It’s a no brainer. “Yes, I want that.”
He reaches up, rubbing the light dusting of hair over his jaw and chin, staring at me — seeing rightthroughme and the flimsy defenses I keep hiding behind.
“I don’t know that I can do this without something more, Juniper.” Arin shakes his head. “I can’t stop thinking about how much it will hurt me if you walk away from this pack after the heat’s over. I want to give you achoice, I want you to feel like you have the control in this chaotic situation, but what happens when it’s over?”
I stare up at the ceiling, exhaling a shaking laugh as I try not to lose it. Here I am just trying to make it the next day, the next hour, the nextsecond— and he’s already thinking about the aftermath.
“I’m afraid if I stop and think about any of it for more than five minutes, I’ll fall apart again.” Tilting my head down, I whisper, “And we don’t have time for me to be a mess.”
“I’m not taking you to my bed if you’re having any kind of doubts.”
I choke. “The heat isn’t going towait. That’s the whole point! That’s why I’m here!”
He takes a step forward, his eyes firm. “I need you to trust me, June. I will find suppressants. I will buy you whatever you need. I will stay up night and day to see you to the end, in whatever capacity you’re comfortable with — but what I won’t do is reduce this to some biological transaction between the two of us. You deserve more than that, and my heart can’t survive fucking you if loving you won’t be a part of it. So do not question if I care.” He takes another step, almost close enough to touch me. “If anything, I caretoomuch.”
“Arin.”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t feel it last night. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel it thesecondyou walked into my office.” He reaches out, his hand cupping my cheek, wiping a tear away from under my eyes. “Don’t make me sequester part of myself away, because what I do with you will never, ever be casual. I can’t do this without strings attached, and I don’t thinkyoucan either.”
His other hand rises, and then he holds my face in the palms of his hands.
“I know you’re scared.” He gazes down at me. “I’m not asking for a bond today, but I am telling you that being involved withmewill not be temporary. That’s my condition — if you want me to be a part of your heat, you cannot run the moment it’s over. You’resafewith me, with this pack, but I will not allow it to be fleeting or temporary.”
It feels like someone carved a hole into my chest as I stare up at him, silent tears rolling down my cheeks. Arin wipes away each and every one of them.
“I need you to talk to me, love.” His voice is gentle as he strokes my cheeks. “I need you to let go and let yourself accept my help.”
“Did you mean it?” My voice breaks. “Last night when you said you wanted to court me?”
“Yes.” He answers without hesitating, voice low. “I have meant every single word I’ve said to you. But I won’t go forward with any of it ifyoudon’t understand there’s no backing out for me. There is no future in my eyes where you walk away without taking my affections with you. They say when you know, you know.”
He gives me a tight smile, like he’s expecting me to bolt as he whispers, “And I know.”
It feels like I’m standing on a cliff’s edge, staring down at an abyss. Seth’s insistence that I would be safe here — Bennett’s admission that he won’t walk away — and now Arin telling me there is no leaving if I stay —
But there are other issues. He doesn’t know my family. We’ve never had a conversation about what I’ll doafterthe heat, when I can go home. None of us have spoken about my work, my writing, or my apartment back in Virginia. There are so many logistics to what he’s saying. Reality won’t stay pushed to the side for very long — I have an entirelifeto get back to.
My eyes rise, meeting Arin’s.
But he could be yours.
My hindbrain supplies the thought, almost quiet amongst my anxiety. The deep part of my heart, untouched and lonely, calls out to him even while he’s standing in front of me, clutching my face, offering me the world if I just say yes.
My breath catches in my throat. Running my tongue over my lips, I lift my chin slightly, taking in every inch of his expression, down to the slight bump in his nose and the way his eyebrows furrow, making a little line that points directly to his lips.
“I accept.”
He sucks in a breath, his eyes flittering over my features one final time, before he tugs me to him. One hand slides around, cupping the back of my damp hair, making my heart burst as he kisses me, sinking every ounce of passion he can into it. It’s soul-ending — it’s an unspoken vow — not a bite, but the closest damn thing to one.
“Let me show you all that I should have done last night. Let me prove that you, your body, and your soul are safe in my capable hands.”
My lips mold against his as I reach up and run my fingers through his damp hair. He groans into the kiss as our noses graze. The fabric of the towel around his waist bunches near my stomach as Seth’s shirt rides up on me. I sigh into the kisses, reaching down with my free hand to pull the towel completely off his hips.
