Page 80 of His Secret Obsession
I sigh before grabbing a bottle of water along with two Tylenol and slowly make my way up the stairs. Throwing my clothes off and leaving them in a rumpled pile on the bedroom floor, I don’t even bother putting on sweatpants before slipping under the covers. My arms instinctively reach out for the pillow next to me, and I press my face into it as I pull it closer. My stomach twists when I take a deep inhale, only to realize Maddie’s scent is beginning to fade.
“I’m working on it, baby. Don’t give up on us.”
Jax
“You can cut the act. I know you’re doing this on purpose,” Luke snaps.
Buckling my seatbelt, I give him an innocent smile as he pulls out of the bar’s parking lot. “Who else would I call when I’m drinking my heartache away?”
He gives me a dubious look. “You’re not even pretending to be drunk anymore.”
My lips twitch as I work to suppress a grin. After the first night, I quickly realized how hard it was to have a serious conversation while plastered. And that I didn’t actually needto be drunk—I could just call him andpretendI wasn’t sober enough to drive home. He can act uncaring all he wants, but he doesn’t have it in him to say no when I call.
Honestly, I’m a genius.
“You’re manipulative,” Luke grumbles. And I wonder if I accidently said the genius thing aloud or if he could read it on my face.
“How else am I going to get you to talk to me?” Leaning my head back against the headrest with an exhausted sigh, my eyes flutter closed. “You refuse to answer me unless you think I need you.”
He scoffs, the streetlights occasionally illuminating his scowl. “You think if I forgive you that I’ll give you the green light to go be with Maddie, and that’s never going to happen.”
I snort. “That’s a good guess, but that’s not what I’m doing.”
“So, you don’t want to steal my ex-girlfriend?” he challenges. I want to bristle at that, but I bite my tongue. His laugh is bitter. “Come on, Jax, we’ve been doing this stupid act for what, a week now? Just give it up already because I’m not giving you permission to be with her.”
“I don’t want or need your permission,” I say, a bit of harshness seeping into my words. “I’m going to get my girl back, even if I have to spend the rest of my life groveling for her to agree to give me another chance.”
The car comes to an abrupt halt at a red light, our bodies bouncing forward when he slams on the brakes. He turns his head, giving me an incredulous look. “You’re going to pick a woman over your own brother? Why are we even here then? Maybe you should call her for a ride instead.”
“It’s not about picking anyone over the other.” My teeth clench together, and I nearly hiss the words out. A low, simmering anger heats my blood but I force my body to relax against the seat. Taking a deep breath, I unclench my fists. “You’re going toeither hate me for the rest of our lives or forgive me regardless of whether I’m with Maddie or not.” I point between both of us. “But I would prefer to get things right between us before I try to start a relationship with her.”
He sucks in a quiet breath. The light turns green, and the car’s engine purrs as he continues driving. “Why?”
I bite my bottom lip, contemplating my answer. I want to ask,why what? Why do I want your forgiveness so badly? Why do I still want the woman you love? Why am I being so bullheaded about it, even though I see how much it hurts you? Honestly, I don’t think he even knows what he’s asking himself. Maybe he needs an answer for all of it.
“Because you’re my baby brother, and for a long time, it was just me and you against the world. Because I want us to work through this and learn how to be brothers again.” My fingers drum on the armrest. “Because I love her, but if I start a relationship with her while there’s still this wedge between us, she’ll always blame herself, even though I know it’s my fault.”
“You…love her?” he asks, his body tensing. The car begins to slow, like maybe he forgot to keep his foot pressed to the gas pedal. Then we speed back up, and I catch a glimpse of his slack-jawed expression.
I sigh. “I don’t just love her; she’s the love of my life.”
He shakes his head, looking conflicted, exasperated, doubtful, incredulous…hurt. “Why? Whyher?”
My heart pounds, and it creates a wild, erratic rhythm as I think long and hard on how much I’m willing to share here. There are things Maddie herself still doesn’t know, and it feels wrong to share some of those things before telling her. But if this will give him some closure….
“I have something to tell you,” I begin. He gives me a wary expression, but nods for me to continue. So, I tell himalmosteverything. I tell him about the night in the bar with Maddie allthose years ago, and how I thought she was the most beautiful, unique, strongest woman I had ever met. How I wanted her so badly, I didn’t even take her home to a comfortable bed. I was going to take her right there in the passenger seat of my truck in a darkened parking lot.
“I don’t need the nitty gritty details,” Luke grumbles. He shoots me a dark look, and I hold up both palms.
“Fair enough.”
I tell him that, although I knew she was younger than me, I would have never guessed her to be nineteen. Long-buried memories and emotions come back as I admit how shocking that revelation was and how it felt like being poked with an electrical prod upon realizing she was barely legal. How I felt like a selfish creep for wanting to ask for her phone number anyway.
“I was twenty-nine, almost thirty.” My eyes squeeze shut. “It felt wrong, and I didn’t want to hold her back.”
“Jesus, that means you met her before…” I nod when Luke trails off as he puts the pieces together. The hurt on his face, like he just lost something important, is like a stab to my heart.
“I decided she was better off without me and tried to get her out of my mind for a while. I really tried, but I just couldn’t do it.”
