Silence.
38
So what’s the plan?” JJ asks, trying not to let his shoulders hunch as Roma leads the way towards Lakeside.
“Your boyfriend might not trust Bryant’s skills,” Roma says, “but I do. If the Sanctum tails her, she’ll shake them off before she meets us. The three of us will have a conversation, maybe order some sushi. Hopefully, we can convince Bryant to leave with us and stay at my apartment, but if not, then we’ll help her make an escape plan.”
“Sounds good,” JJ says, but hard unease is coiling in his stomach. Months ago,weeksago, the thought of mapping out strategies with his strike team made his mind feel calm and clear, made adrenaline sing through his veins, made him feel like they could conquer the world?—
Now, though, everything is just scattered.
That’s who you were, who you had to be, but it’s not who you are anymore.
JJ tries to ignore the memory of Cass’s voice, but it’s a losing battle. After the beautiful morning they had, after Cass brought JJ to the place where he was summoned and let JJ touch his true form and took JJ apart on that stupid fluffy blanket?—
After all that, JJ can barely believe everything fell apart so quickly. Determinedly, he pushes the thoughts away. “And Chester? You said that Bryant hasn’t been able to talk with him much, but…”
Roma shoots him a sideways glance. “You mentioned a few weeks ago that Chester would probably jump at the chance for a life on the outside. I know that I shot you down, but—but I think you might’ve been right. You know him better than I do, after all.”
“I…” JJ grimaces, looking away. “I hope so.”
After all, he thought he knew Cass, too. He really thought they recognized a piece of themselves in each other, really thought they shared that overwhelming drive to protect their loved ones no matter the cost, but?—
Thereisa reason I was summoned here, and it’s for the two of you.
And how can Cass decide that soeasily?After centuries of winning wars and toppling dictatorships, how can Cass look JJ in the eye and say he’s done with all that?
How can Cass abandon his old ideals—his oldlife—and commit himself instead to two people he met less than three months ago?
Roma is talking again. JJ forces himself to tune back in. “And even if Bryant decides to come with us today, I’m sure we can find a way to contact Chester. We all have his phone number memorized, after all. Calling him from a burner could potentially put him at risk, but if it’s our only option, then it might be worth it.”
“Right,” JJ says quietly, and a pang twists through him.
He would love it if they got Bryant and Chester back. Bryant would probably struggle with the transition, just like Roma did, but they would make it through together—JJ knows they would.
Chester might have trouble, too, but for different reasons. After so many years of interrogating—torturing—demons and dissidents alike, adjusting back to civilian life might be more difficult than expected.
Although Cass managed it smoothly enough. JJ grits his teeth, trying to shove the thoughts down, but they just keep bubbling back to the surface, prodding and insistent.
JJ can understand Cass’s immediate and undying loyalty to Desi. She’s small and innocent and extremely adoptable, as both JJ and Cass discovered. JJ isn’t surprised that Cass is willing to leave his campaigns behind until she’s old enough to survive on her own.
But why would Cass change his life forJJ?It doesn’t make any sense. JJ is a nobody. No, worse than a nobody—he’s a hunter, someone who was trained to hurt and kill demons like Cass.
Worse than that, actually. Because JJ is aformerhunter, someone with all the skills and the knowledge and the insidious hatred he’s been trying so hard to unlearn, but without the enchantments that truly let him protect people.
He’s a retired hunter. An obsolete hunter.
A failed hunter.
Cass, though? Cass iseverything.Strong, brilliant, protective, caring. Skilled with every weapon he touches, a master of every martial art known to humankind. A great chef, a loyal friend, an amazing dad. Always ready to defend those who can’t defend themselves, always willing to set differences and disagreements aside for the greater good.
He’s everything JJ wants and everything JJ wants to be. JJ loves him, and?—
JJ stops dead.
Roma pauses, frowning back at him. “JJ?”
“I—”
