“Youthinkshe won’t,” Cass stresses, the thread of panic around his lungs winding tighter with every word. “But weren’t you the one who said purebreds are the most loyal to the Sanctum? And the Sanctum has been pretty clear about wanting you and Roma back.”
JJ’s face shuts down. “She wouldn’t do that to us. We’re a strike team. We?—”
“Youwerea strike team,” Cass fires back. “But you and Roma left her behind. You think she’s not bitter about that?”
JJ flinches, but he stands his ground. “That’s why the smartest thing is for both meandRoma to be there. If you’re right, then we’ll have each other for backup.”
“No, the smartest thing is for neither of you to even go!”
“That’snot an option!”JJ says, his voice rising. “We can’t just abandon Bryant, not like—not like Sawyer and Naomi did to us, and—” His eyes narrow. “And what wouldyoudo? If it were Ez and Obie in trouble?”
Cass grits his teeth. “We’re demons, JJ. Risk is modulated for us just by virtue of the fact that we’re functionally immortal. But you—you might be one of the best human fighters I’ve ever met, but without those Sanctum enchantments, you’re still justhuman.You coulddie.”
“I couldalwaysdie, Cass!” JJ says, exasperated. “That’s how humans work!”
“And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t run headfirst into danger!” Cass snaps. The thread of panic feels more like a thick chain now, hard and unyielding. “Do you haveanyidea how much it broke Desi when the Sanctum captured you? Do you have any idea how much it brokeme?We need you, JJ. We all need each other.”
JJ’s hands are trembling. “My friends need me, too.”
“And we can help them,” Cass says desperately. “Just not like this, okay? You don’t—you don’t have to be this person anymore, JJ! You don’t have to always be on the frontlines, and you don’t have to constantly put other people’s needs above your own, and—and you don’t have to stake your worth on how willing you are to die for the cause. That’s who youwere,who youhadto be, but it’s not who you are anymore.”
JJ sets his jaw. Cass’s heart plummets. “I’m still the same person I’ve always been. This—thisis who I am.”
And Cass?—
Cass wants to get angry. He wants to be furious that JJ is ready to run straight back into danger the moment Roma asks him to, that he’s blindly taking his friends at their word without considering the repercussions, that he’s still sowilling to sacrifice himself at the slightest provocation. He wants to yell and beg andthreatenuntil JJ agrees to let Roma meet up with Bryant alone—or, better yet, until JJ and Roma both agree to change the time and place.
But Cass knows that won’t help. He and JJ didn’t make it this far by screaming at each other, after all. He forces his temper down. “I’m concerned,” he says, slowly and clearly, “because it feels like you’re taking unnecessary risks without considering how that’ll affect the people around you. Without considering how it’ll affect me and Desi. And—and I’mconcernedbecause it feels like you’re asking too few questions about Bryant’s story. Like you’re falling back on that old habit of just following orders.”
JJ’s expression shifts. “Cass?—”
“I would never want you to change the part of you that cares about your friends, okay?” Cass cuts in. “I would never want you to change the part of you that wants to protect people, and to always do what’s right, and—and to stand up against injustice. Because?—”
Because those are the parts of us that are the same. Those are the parts of you that I admire.
Those are the parts of you that I fell in love with.
Cass bites back the words. “Listen, I spent centuries chasing the next battle because it was all I had. It was the only way I felt like my life could mean something, like I could make a difference. Like—like there was actually a reason I was summoned to this realm. But that’s not all I have anymore, okay? I have you, and I have Desi. Thereisa reason I was summoned here, and it’s for the two of you. For this little family we made together.” He takes a deep breath, meeting JJ’s wide eyes. “You can always remake yourself. You can always start over. You don’t have to be the person the Sanctum turned you into.”
“I don’t have centuries to remake myself, Cass.” JJ’s voice cracks on the last few words. “I barely even have decades. I’m on a time limit to figure out who I am and—and who I want to be. And Iwantto be someone who doesn’t back down just because it’s dangerous. Iwantto be someone who steps up to help during a crisis. I want to be someone who’s willing to risk it all for his friends.” Unexpectedly, he reaches out and grabs Cass’s hand. “Just like I am for you and Desi.”
Cass’s heart feels raw. “And I,” he says haltingly, “want someone who’ll live for me. Not someone who’ll die for me. And I think Desi feels the same way.”
JJ’s face crumples. “Cass?—”
“Just—” Cass lets out his breath in a hiss, tugging his hand out of JJ’s and turning away. “If you’re going to go with Roma, then just go. Bryant said she wanted to meet you in an hour. Clock’s ticking.”
“Cass,” JJ whispers, his fingertips brushing Cass’s shoulder.
Cass shrugs him off. “Go. I’ll be here when you get back.”
For a long moment, JJ is silent. And Cass prays to Nostringvadha, to any god who’s up there, that JJ is having second thoughts, that he’s going to decide to stay, that he’ll prioritize their future over the ghosts of his past?—
And then JJ’s footsteps shift away. “I’ll be back soon, okay?” he says softly, and pain slices through Cass’s chest. “A few hours, tops.”
“Uh-huh,” Cass says brusquely. “Have fun.”
And JJ only hesitates for a second longer before turning away. Jogs over to the far corner to grab his escrima sticks off the top shelf, where they put them so Desi couldn’t reach them. The gentlesnickof the door swinging open, a few quiet words with Roma on the front porch, the softswooshas the door slides shut, and then?—
