Page 7 of Pretend for Me
Something burns inside my chest as those words leave my mouth, and I catch Piper’s soft gasp trailing behind me. I’m not one to casually dispense threats or belittle someone for their mistakes, but the weight of my responsibilities—my dad’s unattainable expectations, Mom’s recent prognosis, and the turn my life has taken over the past couple of years—have pushed me to the brink. This haircut was just the last straw.
Just as I’m about to reach the door, Piper’s hand clasps around my bicep and the jolt from her touch has me coming to a sudden halt.
Her shiny eyes lock with mine as she comes to stand in front of me. “I know it’s no excuse, nor is it your problem, but I took a new migraine medication this morning, and I think it’s made me extremely drowsy. None of this would have happened if I had figured it out sooner, and I apologize for that.”
The anguish in her voice sends another pang of guilt through me.
“I understand how upset you are,” she says, blinking back tears. “And if a lawsuit is what you’d like to proceed with, I can’t stop you. But, please know, I didn’t mean to mess up your hair or your day. It was a complete mistake, and I take full responsibility for it.”
As I observe the sincerity emanating from her, some of my irritation ebbs. I shift on my feet, feeling both empathy and uncertainty wash over me. Uncertainty is a word I’ve neverallowed in my vocabulary, my life, or my work, running the world’s largest driverless transportation and grocery delivery service.
But here I am, completely at a loss in front of this woman who doesn’t deserve my understanding or my empathy, given the state of my damn hair, but is somehow siphoning it out of me, anyway.Goddammit! What sort of mind games is she playing?!
And as much as I want to stay pissed, I remember the brutal migraines Mom used to deal with. The kind that would have her chained to her bed for days.
And now she’s chained to her bed for another reason entirely . . .
When she notices I haven’t responded, Piper continues to speak. Because, of course she does. Even humbled and remorseful, the woman can’t seem to control her pretty mouth.
“But as you know, involving lawyers and doing all that paperwork can be so cumbersome,” she continues, oozing faux concern. “Plus, these types of things have a way of making the news, and if the media gets a whiff of it, can you imagine the headlines?Big Bad Billionaire Bullies Beauty Salon Over Bad Haircut. Remorseful Stylists Now Living on the Streets.”She feigns a frown, followed by a sigh. “It would be a travesty all around, in my humble opinion.”
My mouth drops open. Is she . . . is she threateningme? This tiny, five-foot-nil woman, who could be blown away in a bad windstorm. Did she just imply that she could manipulate the media against me?
My mind races as I try to comprehend the audacity of her words and her shift from being apologetic only minutes ago to daring and formidable now.
Jesus Christ, she’s a new brand of crazy, and for reasonsbeyond any explanation—given the way my dick just stirred inside my pants—her kind of crazy seems to intrigue me.
My brow lifts incredulously, not breaking our intense eye contact. “A bad haircut?You call making me look like I’m auditioning for a role in theAddams Family, a bad haircut?”
“Love you!”
I blink in confusion before my brows furrow at the way Piper jumps. What the hell? Did she just say . . . ? And why does her voice sound so weird all of a sudden?
“Love you!”
The words resound again somewhere off to my left, and I follow Piper’s stunned gaze to where Vajayjay stares back at me with her jade-colored eyes. She’s standing on a large button, in a row of buttons along one wall I hadn’t noticed before.
Vajayjay pushes the button again and the same high-pitched nasally voice emits from it.“Love you! Love you!”She then saunters over to another button and the word,“mine”, rings from it.
Both Piper and I are standing there speechless as Vajayjay hits the“mine”button twice more while looking at Piper, as if trying to ensure she hears her. Then, with a nonchalant flick of her tail, she pads over to my feet, rubbing herself along the leg of my pants.
What in the ever-loving-fuck is going on here?
Piper’s fingers rise to cover her lips, clearly suppressing another smile as she watches her cat. “Oh my God.” She looks back up at me. “I think my cat has a crush on you. We’ve been teaching the cats to communicate with these buttons, and well, I think she’s telling me to back off her man.”
Back off her man?
Is this place a madhouse? Did I accidentally enter an insane asylum?
In my thirty-one years, I’ve never felt so out of myelement. Like I’m surrounded by people—and cats—from another galaxy.
As I start to leave—because all kidding aside, I need to get out of here before I start questioning my own sanity—Piper’s hand lands over my forearm, sending another zing up my arm. “Listen. All I’m saying is, I messed up, but I can fix?—”
“Can you magically regrow my damn hair?” I ask, louder than intended, but it makes Piper suck in her cheeks as she suppresses another grin. Any semblance of her previous teary remorse has completely vanished, only infuriating me further.
“Well, no, but I can make it so it doesn’t look so . . .” she presses her lips together, “uneven.”
Vajayjay continues her rubdown of my leg.
