Page 116 of Promised Love
My heart twists at every word and accusation.
“But then”—she glances at my shoulder where I was hit—“I was asked to rush to St. Peppers. Do you know how nervous, how scared, I was that day? I didn’t know what to expect. I packed a bag with our marriage license, all your letters, and your dog tag because I didn’t know if someone would even believe me. I thought you were injured in war and brought to St. Peppers for treatment.”
Fuck! I run a hand through my hair. I’d unknowingly put her through all this.
“Then my family decided it was good for you to move in with me. And now you’ve decided to end this.” She flops back onto the edge of her bed. Her elbows rest on her knees as she hides her face between her hands.
I’m about to take a step toward her when her blazing gaze shoots up and stops me in my tracks.
“You told me if I desire something in life, I should speak up. So, this is me doing what you told me, Lukas. I love you. I desire you. And I’m going to fight for my love. You can take these papers back or leave them, but I’m not going to sign.”
My whole world spins, and for a second, I lose my balance.
She loves me. She’ll fight for me.
No one since my mother has done that.
I’m still trying to get my heartbeat in check when I hear the door shut behind me. She’s gone.
No. Fuck no.
I rush out on shaky legs and run to her. I grab her hand and pull her back into her room.
“You can’t fucking run after saying all that.” I pin her between the door and me. Her eyes are teary once again, and I can’t take it. The hurt, the pain, the anguish, and above all, the love in them is too much. I hide my face in her neck.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “It’s been too long since someone has fought for me.”
“I’m fighting for both of us, Lukas,” she mutters.
“But it’s a fight you’ll lose, Autumn. I’m not the prize you think I am.” My chest clenches, and invisible vises tighten around my heart. “You don’t know anything about my past. You’ll get nothing out of loving me. The day the secrets of my past unlock, they’ll ruin you and your life, and I can’t let that happen.” I shiver remembering those moments.
“Tell me,” she whispers. When I don’t say anything, she adds in a firm voice, “These cryptic words won’t change how I feel about you.”
“Dammit it, Autumn.” I look in her eyes, and as always, they take away my frustration, my agony. “Why can’t you take my word that I’m doing the right thing…for you?”
“I don’t want you to look out for me. The only thing I want from you is your love.” My heartbeat races. “Do you love me?”
I pull away from her and turn around, because her nearness, the smell of her orchid perfume, is tearing my sanity. “You wouldn’t be asking me this if you knew what I was capable of.”
“I don’t doubt your capability to love. You treasure your mother’s antique jewelry like it’s the most expensive thing in the world. You saved the silly gifts I sent you as if they’re the prettiest souvenirs. You didn’t hesitate putting yourself in harm’s way to save your friend’s daughter.” She continues the list, and before she can make me believe in her words, I turn around.
“Good actions don’t magically erase polluted genes, Autumn.”
“There’s nothing polluted in you, Lukas,” she replies without missing a beat.
I can see the war in her eyes. She’s not going to give up, not until she knows my truth. “You know my mother refused to marry your uncle once they were told about the promise?”
She nods in confirmation.
“It wasn’t only because she found it idiotic but also because she was in love with a local bar singer. He was what girls should stay away from. A drunk. A man who loved hurting women and children. My grandfather was against this affair, of course, but he misjudged his own daughter’s courage.”
My eyes sting as I curse fate once again. “My mom left her comfortable home and ran away with that drunk when she knew she was pregnant.”
“Lukas,” Autumn gasps.
“My mother had this stupid belief that true love could change people. She just couldn’t see he was a lost cause. There was no beating we both could’ve endured, no tears she could have shed, that would change that man.”
My hands shake as I remember those days when that fucker would be at home.
