My strength, my fight, my adoration of a different man who accepts me and loves me unconditionally.
I close my eyes and listen to my gut, something I ignored for a long time in favour of just keeping others happy.
Cal.
Michael.
Me.
Closure.
That’s what I’m missing. Closure.
My life with Michael is still open-ended. There is no definitive end to the nightmare that I lived through.
Cal has helped to mask the hate still living inside of me, but I need to let it out.
I need to break completely free.
I am beholden to no one, and it’s time that I finally took notice of that.
I have to do this for me.
Just me.
Only me.
Don’t live in the shadows.
Don’t mask the pain.
Face up to it and move on.
Learn to grow.
Learn to breathe.
Learn to live.
I want to live without a weight holding me down.
I want to love without guilt.
I want to show myself that I am a fighter, that I can battle, that I can win.
“I know what I have to do.” They are my final words of the session before I walk out, a new determination coursing through me.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Confronting demons
Lucy
I step inside and close the door behind me.
The walls surrounding me were once my home, but eventually became my prison.
I left the therapist and knew that I had to start confronting my demons, the ones that make me question and hold me back.
