“Of course,” I reply with disgust. “In fact, I’m surprised he’s not here already, regardless of the visiting times.” I know that I heard Doctor Malone telling him the visiting times, but Michael doesn’t like listening to rules; not unless he’s the one making them.
My eyes flick up to look at the clock on the wall opposite me.
Ten-thirty-seven.
Only twenty-one minutes until visiting starts.
Just twenty-one minutes until my nightmare begins all over again.
I can already feel the anxiety creeping up on me. The doctor said that he wouldn’t let Michael in here, but it’s hard to believe that he won’t come barging in anyway.
“Lucy?” Cal says, breaking through my thoughts. He’s stood back beside my bed, his hand lightly covering mine. “You okay, babe?”
I look down at his hand, wishing that things could have been different. My heart still has love. For Cal. Only Cal. It’s always been Cal. I just got a little sidetracked in order to realise it.
“Yeah,” I reply with a smile. “I just… I’m nervous.”
“You don’t need to be.”
“I wish that were true.” I sigh.
“It is true, Lucy,” Cal urges, taking both my hands in his. “He’s not going to get anywhere near you.”
I know that Cal thinks this is the case, but I know different. “He will if he wants to.”
And boy will he want to get at me.
Cal goes to speak again, but I stop him.
“Listen, Cal, you can tell me over and over again that Michael won’t touch me or hurt me again, but it’s just words. I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic, but I’ve lived in fear for months. I’ve spent most of that time wishing that I was dead, just to escape the pain that he’s caused me.”
I swallow the lump in my throat as I continue to speak. “I have dreamt of re-winding the clock and doing things differently. I’ve dreamt of my life without him, but that’s all it is. A dream. Michael won’t leave me alone, not until he is punished for what he’s done. And when I tell him that I’m not leaving here with him…” My voice trails off as my mind runs through the many things he will do. Shouting, screaming, punching, kicking… It could be anything. His reactions can be far from predictable.
I hear Kim sniff and notice that she is crying, whereas Cal is looking at me intently; like he wants to protect me, wrap me up in cotton wool and keep me safe.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says, his jaw clenched, his hands squeezing mine, his eyes fierce.
I am about to thank him, tell him that I am grateful that he wants to stick by me, but a loud voice makes my blood run cold.
“LET ME SEE HER!”
My bubble of peace just burst.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hiding in fear
“Shit,” I say as my heart thumps. “Oh God.”
“It’s okay, Lucy, just try and keep calm, you don’t want your blood pressure shooting up again,” Kim says in a soothing voice as she comes to stand beside my bed, taking the spot that Cal has just vacated.
Cal is now waiting by the door, ready to defend me if Michael manages to come stomping in here.
“Keep calm? Keep calm? I don’t know how to do that anymore, Kim. I don’t know how to make the fear that he elicits in me stop,” I say, panicked.
“SHE’S MY FIANCEE, AND I WANT TO SEE HER!” More shouting. More anger.
Breathe in.
