Page 21 of Loss
Hunter is over for his usual dinner with me. Almost every single night he shows up so we can have dinner together. Half the time he brings something with him and the other times we cook together. It’s a time just for us and I cherish every second I get to spend with him. Yes, I’ve thought many, many times over the years how simple life would be if I could fall in love with him and spend my days with a man I know will love me for me and won’t treat me like shit when things get hard in his life. But, it just hasn’t happened and I know it never will. Besides, right now, Hunter has his eye on someone and is waiting to see how things go with her. I can’t wait to see what happens because I know they’ll be explosive together.
“What’s goin’ on, Annabell? I know you’ve got somethin’ twirlin’ around in that mind of yours. You’ve been quiet all night and didn’t even put up a fight when I got half the pizza with pineapple on it. That never happens,” he questions me, making me laugh because I didn’t even know there was pineapple on the pizza as I look down at it to find he’s right.
“Slim came to see me this afternoon. He got a call from Vault. For the first time since they moved to Pine View, Vault is reaching out to my dad for help. He’s drowning from what Slim told me and no one wants to see him spiral out of control again. So, he asked me to go down there and help them get things figured out with the club and work on the paperwork. He wants me to work at Hound’s too. I asked him if I could come home when I was ready and he agreed,” I tell Hunter, sitting back on the couch and looking at him as my words sink in.
“What do you wanna do?” he returns, leaning back against the arm of the couch so we can have this conversation.
“I don’t know. It’s been all this time and I still can’t stop thinking about him. About what we could’ve had together. Part of me wants to go there to make sure he’s okay and truly living his best life. The rest of me doesn’t want to see him living his best life and knowing that I’ll never be a part of it. Plus, I don’t want him to spiral out of control again. We all almost lost him and I know it would kill Valor if something were to happen to Vault,” I tell him honestly as so many thoughts race around my mind.
“Best case scenario, you two work your shit out and begin the relationship that’s been years in the makin’. Worst case scenario is that you find him fuckin’ the Phantom girls and drinkin’ like he was when he was here. At the very least, you might just get the closure you need in order to finally move on with your life,” Hunter says, his voice gentle and matter-of-fact as if he’s been thinking about this happening one day.
“Maybe that is what I need to do. I don’t want to leave you though. Hunter, you’re my best friend and I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you in my life,” I say, my emotions building up as I swallow hard to keep them locked down tight.
“You’d be just fine, Annabell. You’re the strongest person I know and have gotten through every fuckin’ obstacle thrown your way and come out even stronger on the other side. And I’m not goin’ anywhere. I might not be in Pine View with you, but I’m always just a phone call away. I’ll make the ride to Pine View whenever you need me there, Annabell. I don’t give a fuck what’s goin’ on. If you need me, I’m always gonna be there for you,” he states, moving closer and pulling me into his arms.
“I think I’m gonna go. At least to help Vault get things on track and then I’ll come back home,” I state into his tee-shirt as he holds me tight.
“I don’t think you’ll be comin’ home, Annabell. For some reason, I have a feelin’ that you and Vault are gonna work your shit out and end up happier with him than you ever dreamed you could be,” he tells me, his voice so sure of his opinion on this matter.
Hunter and I spend the rest of the night talking about anything other than Vault and Pine View. He helps me go through more of the paperwork and get it all put in the computer. By the time he leaves for the night, I’m done with the files and know that I’ll tell my dad to get things ready for me to head to Pine View. I know he’s not gonna let me make the trip there alone. Hopefully he’ll have Hunter go with me with whoever else chooses to make the trip
After walking Hunter out and locking the door behind him, I make sure the alarm is set before heading to bed. Climbing in under the covers, I try to fall asleep, but it eludes me. I toss and turn all night long thinking of Vault and the ramifications of seeing him again after so much time has passed. However, I’m not going to change my mind and chicken out because I’ve been helping the club out for a very long time now. If he’s the one that needs the help, I’m going to do what I can to be there for him. I promised him and Valor I’d never give up on him. Part of doing that is being there when he needs me. After five long years, he finally needs me. Hopefully this doesn’t turn into a shitshow of epic proportions!
Chapter Thirteen
Vault
TODAY IS THE fucking day. Bell, my sweet Angel, is arriving here at the clubhouse today. I’ve been trying to prepare myself since Slim called me back and told me she agreed to come down and help us out. I’d love to talk to Valor about things, but we’re still not there yet. We talk about club business and general things going on here, but our relationship has been destroyed. It kills me and I have to find a way to fix it before any further damage is done. Anyway, I’ve cleaned up one of the rooms in the clubhouse for Annabell and made sure it’s close to mine so I can keep an eye on her. Her room is actually between Valor and me because she really doesn’t know the Nomads who are here with us. George and Martin are complete unknowns to her because they’re from Pine View and just filling in until we can find other guys who want to Prospect for the club. Neither man really has a desire to join us and are literally just helping out the new guys in town as we help clean a few things up for them. I’ve also gone ahead and gotten all of the foods I know Annabell used to love stocked in the kitchen and her room. I want her to be comfortable here.
Slim told me he’s promised her that she can return home whenever she’s ready to go. Even if she’s not done with the job. That’s more than okay with me because I honestly wasn’t expecting her to show up at all. But, that wouldn’t be the Annabell I fell in love with so long ago. She’s always willing to lend a hand and show up for whoever needs her. Slim won’t be making the trip with her, but she’ll have an entourage of men riding down to make sure nothing happens to her. Annabell is one of the princesses of the Phantom Bastards and she’ll be treated as such by Slim and her brother. Most of the guys have been calling her princess for years because it annoys the hell out of her and they simply laugh in return.
“How long before Annabell shows up?” Valor asks me, taking a seat at the table with me holding out a bottle of water for me as he drinks his beer.
“They should be here in about a half hour or so. It all depended on if they needed to stop again,” I answer my brother and look at him for what feels like the first time in a very long time. “Are you okay, Valor?”
“No, I’m not. Can’t get someone out of my head and it’s killin’ me because I know she’s with someone and I’ll never have her the way I want. Plus, I left Savannah alone in Benton Falls with her sisters after we had a fallin’ out,” he tells me, opening himself up to me for the first time in five years. “I’m goin’ crazy and don’t know what the fuck to do, Vault. I finally get why you acted the way you did after we lost Dad. I might not have lost anyone like that this time, but I still feel as if I’m makin’ a horrible decision no matter what I do.”
“Damn. I’m gonna guess that I know the woman in question who’s with someone. A certain girl from the Wild Kings, I suspect. You’re definitely right about her bein’ with someone. From what I’ve been told, they’re actually expectin’ their first baby. Valor, I know all about unrequited love and it fuckin’ sucks. However, you have to figure out what you want with Savannah because we both know that it’s never gonna happen with the other girl. Even if she were to leave him, you’re still not gonna have a chance with her. As much as it kills me to say that shit to you, it’s the truth. Her dad would gut you before he let you be with her,” I tell my twin as he stares at his beer bottle like it has all the answers he needs.
“I know he would. I’ve even tried talkin’ to him about the shit and he blew me the fuck off. I don’t know what the hell I did to piss him off, but I had to do somethin’. Now Savannah won’t talk to me. I call the girls almost every day and we talk for a while, but when they ask Van if she wants to talk to me, she always makes up some excuse and leaves the room,” he informs me as I sit forward and give all my attention to my brother because it’s what he deserves.
“Valor, I love ya. You’re my brother and have been my best friend most of my life until I fucked everythin’ up. That’s on me and I’ll figure out how to repair our relationship one way or another. I fuckin’ miss you and it kills me to know you’ve been holdin’ this shit in because of me and the way I treated everyone after we lost Dad. There’s no excuse for my actions and words. I’ve hurt so many people and I know my apologies don’t mean shit at the end of the day. But, I promise you right now, Valor, that I am always here for you and that I will do everythin’ in my power to show you just how much I love you and want to fix our bond and what was broken by me,” I state emphatically, needing him to know that from today on I will do everything in my power to fix us and our bond.
“You’re good, Vault. I know you were lashin’ out because you were lost. It doesn’t mean it’s right, but I get where you were comin’ from. One day we’ll get back to where we were before. It’s gonna take some time, but we’ll both work on it. I’ll be okay. I just need to reset my mind and focus on the shit we’ve got goin’ on around here,” Valor answers as the rumble of multiple bikes pulling up sound from outside the clubhouse.
Valor and I don’t move as we wait for the group to enter the clubhouse. Chrome makes his way over to our table and takes a seat next to me leaving the one between Valor and I open. Ever since we got to Pine View, Chrome has become my best friend. We work together at the garage and he’s been my rock when I wanted to fall back into old patterns because the stress of running this club is getting to me. Chrome always pulls me back when I need it and he’ll never know what it means to have him as my best friend.
Not everyone feels that way though. Chrome is another tall fucker. He’s over six feet tall and has a shaved head. I swear he polishes it daily with the way it always shines. Chrome has a neat beard he keeps trimmed close to his face that’s a dark brown. His eyes are so brown that they almost appear black in certain lights. Chrome’s entire body is covered in tattoos and I’ve never seen as many piercings on one man as what he has. It’s insane. His entire reason for all the piercings is that he likes pain and hasn’t found a place on his body yet that is painful to get tattooed or pierced. Anyway, Chrome almost never smiles. When he does, it looks like straight up evil intentions are flowing through his mind. I’ve never seen anything like it before in my life. For some reason, his looks make the men cower and run away while the women run toward him in groups. He eats up all the attention like the man whore he is too.
“You ready for this?” Chrome questions me, knowing what Annabell means to me.
“No, I don’t think I am,” I answer him honestly as the door opens and I’m blinded by the light shining in the clubhouse until Playboy steps through the door and blocks a small portion of it.
“You better get fuckin’ ready,” he whispers as I stand from my seat and head over to greet Playboy and the rest of the guys here with Annabell.
Walking over to the small group of men I grew up around, so many emotions fill me. These men know everything about me and saw me at my fucking lowest. All of them tried to be there for me and I did nothing but treat them like pieces of shit I stepped in and pushed them away. I acted as if they didn’t lose my dad right along with Valor and me. Hell, I acted as if my brother didn’t lose his dad. I was a selfish fucker and I hope to never act that way again. Playboy stops in front of me and pauses for a minute. He doesn’t say a word to me, just looks me over from head to toe.
“You look real fuckin’ good, Vault. Been hittin’ the gym, I see. It’s a good look on ya,” he finally says, pulling me in for a hug as I return it and push down the emotions flooding me.
