Iwake up the next morning in an unfamiliar room and look around, trying to get my bearings. There are a few band posters on the walls. Across the room, there’s a bookcase with many trophies. Above the small bed I’m lying in, there’s a hockey stick and a jersey on the wall. I slept in Cole’s childhood bedroom, and it hasn’t changed since high school. Memories from the day my destroyed car and the big pregnancy reveal flood my brain.
I’d walked out of Cole’s room, and packed myself a small suitcase. Emma picked me up and brought me here so I could be with my mom. I locked myself in this room to process. I never talked to any of the guys on my way out. My phone has been turned off and I refuse to have any contact with them.
A knock on the door has me sitting up. “Come in,” I call but regret it immediately when Cole walks in. He must read my grumpy expression because he holds his hands up in surrender, showing me the keys in one of them.
“I’m just bringing your car keys. We had your car taken care of, and I brought it here for you.”
“How did you get it fixed so fast?”
He shrugs, “Talon knew a guy. I have no idea how he worked the magic so quickly, but it looks great. Cost a fortune, not that it matters.”
“Thanks,” I tell him, feeling odd that I’m lying in his bed.
“Nothing to thank me for. My mom’s going to take me back to the house. Is there anything you need?”
“Answers,” I say because all I’ve been doing since I left is driving myself crazy with all the questions I want to ask all of them.
Cole sits in the office chair in front of his computer desk, on the other side of the small room from me. He looks down at his hands instead of at me. “Ask away.”
“Why did you lie? And don’t give me any shit about how I never asked if your ex-girlfriend was pregnant, so you never actually lied.”
“Because I was scared and selfish and stupid. I don’t know how to be a father, especially co-parenting with that she-devil who’s only wanted me as some kind of status symbol. I knew you wouldn’t want me if I were having a kid with another woman. I kept telling myself it wasn’t the right time. I needed to wait a little longer until we were more solid.”
“Is that why you’ve taken our relationship so slow?” I ask, starting to piece this puzzle together.
“Yes, I knew I wanted you back when I saw you at the funeral. But then everything happened, and I tried to push you away. I should have known that wouldn’t work.”
He’d lied to me for months, knowing it was wrong, and involved my other two boyfriends in the deception. It was now up to me to process that and make my decisions.
“What do you plan to do if the baby is yours?” I ask him, curious about where his head is at.
“I’ve barely let myself think about it. I’m tempted to pay her off and send her on her way. I don’t want to be with her again, and I’ve made that crystal clear to her and her family.”
“You can’t leave your child like that. I know you too well. You might feel that way now, but you’d regret losing your relationship with him. You don’t have to be with her to be a dad.”
He looks up at me, his sky-blue eyes sad. “The only person I’ve ever seen myself raising a family with is you.”
That makes me cry, “When I imagine what Dominic would look like, I’d see him with your bright blue eyes and curly brown hair. I always felt like he was yours, even though it could have been any of you.”
“I wish he could have been, and we would have raised him together. I would have married you in a heartbeat. I love you, Blake, and I never stopped. I know I fucked it up for us, but don’t take my mistakes out on them. They deserve to have the best, and that’s you. They were just trying to be loyal friends.”
He turns towards the door, “I’m going to go. I’m leaving for an away game tomorrow if you want to return to the house. I’ll find a new place when I get back.”
I’d made plans to go and stay with Emma tonight. She was excited to have a sleepover like the old days.
“Bye, Blake,” he says, hesitating like he wants to say more, but instead, he walks out and closes the door behind him.
After Cole leaves, I venture out of the room and find my mom sitting on the couch in the living room, watching the television. She pauses whatever it is when she sees me and pats the seat next to her.
“They’re gone,” she says as I sit down.
I lay my head on her shoulder. I had avoided any conversation about why I’d ended up at their front door. But now I was ready to talk. It was not a secret. I knew my mom knew everything. She’d probably known about Hannah’s pregnancy all along.
“Did you know?” I ask her, cutting to the chase.
“I knew the girl was pregnant. I didn’t know that you didn’t know.”
That’s not surprising. In the months since we’d moved apart, I’ve been so busy with work and my boyfriends that we hadn’t seen each other much. I was neglecting her, which was shameful. I knew firsthand how quickly life could change. I had almost lost her once.
