“I’m sorry I haven’t visited often.”
“Don’t worry about it. I know you have a lot on your plate right now.”
“But you’re my only family. You should be my top priority.”
“You’re also building your own complicated family. That takes a lot.”
“I don’t know about that. Can I build something with them when they’ve lied? How do we come back from that?”
“Only you and them can answer that, but I think you have some questions to ask yourself, starting with deciding their motivation behind the lies. Did any of them lie to hurt you purposely?”
I shake my head, “No, it wasn’t a malicious lie.”
“Then it might not be as dire of a situation as you think.”
“Maybe, but I still need to think it through,” There’s still a lot more about this whole situation I need to work out, but it can wait. I have something else to talk to her about, too. “Do you like living here? Our money situation is getting better. Would you want to get another house or find something to rent for the two of us?”
“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me in the years since the accident. I’m good living here with Stacy. I don’t have to worry about caring for a house and yard and all of that. It’s time for you to decide what your future will be.”
“I don’t know anything about my future,” I whine. “Just when I think I have it all figured out, life comes along and fucks it up.”
My mom chuckles, “It does have a habit of doing that to everybody. You finally are close to having the career you dreamed about. That’s a positive.”
“But my love life is a complete mess.”
“There’s no deadline to get that right. You love them, and they love you. The rest is just details.”
“But is love enough?”
“Only you can decide that.”
I growl in frustration, making her laugh again. I haven’t heard her laugh much in the years since we lost Dad. I didn’t realize how much I had missed it.
“I think I should move out of their home. Living together while growing the relationship has put too much pressure on us.”
“If that’s how you feel, then it’s valid, and you should stand firm with them.”
“I don’t know if that’s the way I feel. I can’t tell how I feel besides feeling betrayed.”
“That’s natural, especially considering how the relationship ended in the past. That kind of trauma leaves someone with trust issues. Take your time and think this through but talk with them about it.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
She kisses me on the top of my head as I snuggle into her to watch television.
"Done?" Cora asks me from her seat at the dining table in Emma's kitchen. We're both staring at the oven timer, waiting for our last batch of cookies to be done. Baking has been a stress reliever since I was barely older than her. I needed the distraction today, knowing I must return to the guys' house tonight after spending three nights away.
"Two minutes left, munchkin," I tell her. "But you can have some of these other ones. Do you want milk to go with them?"
"Yes, please."
I find a small plastic cup, pour milk for her, and grab some cooled cookies from the rack. I set the cookies and milk in front of her. She looks up and gives me a dimpled smile and her thanks.
"You can't tell Mommy I let you eat so many cookies, or she'll never let me babysit again," I tell her, making her giggle.
When Matt was called into work early this morning, Emma was in a bind because she had clients booked. I volunteered to watch Cora for a few hours, knowing it was the least I could do after they'd let me crash on their couch the last two nights. I was still avoiding returning to the house, still unsure of what I wanted to do.
Cora scarfs down the cookies on her plate while I clean up the mess we’ve made in the kitchen. Cookie dough flung on everything when Cora lifted the hand mixer beaters out of the bowl, and flour was on just about every surface, including Cora and me. Her giggles were worth the nuisance of cleaning.
