Page 31 of Find Me Under the Stars
“Can’t wait to see you, Charlotte. Bye,” she says, and I end the call as fast as I can.
Mrs. Larinski—Anna—is one of my favorite people in the entire world. She genuinely has the purest and kindest heart. In some sense, she became like a mom to me. Which I’m just now realizing that in the split from Reed, I lost so much more than just the love of my life.
Deciding that I have my limits, I finish grabbing a few things, including a new throw blanket, before checking out and heading home. I didn’t find anything to wear that fit the theme, so I’m going to just find some stuff online on Zonama. I need so much goddamn rest this week if I’m going to be able to show up at the party.
My phone buzzes, and I check it.
Harper: Hey, Charlotte. How’re you doing?
It’s crazy how different that question comes across from different people. If a random Target employee asks me how I’m doing, I know it’s kind of an empty question. They don’t want the truthful answer; they are just making small talk. But I know that when Harper is asking, she genuinely means it, especially because she knows what I’m going through.
She is kind of the one person that I can be completely honest with right now without exposing my secret, so I answer truthfully.
Me: Doing kind of rough…but hanging in there. How’s Ella?
When I finally get home and park my car, I crawl into bed and continue texting Harper until I fall asleep.
I don’t think there’s enough Red Bull in the world to make me feel energetic enough for tonight. But I am pushing myself to do it anyway.
I spent the last three hours getting ready. This might seem excessive, but most of that time was spent sitting on the ground and trying to hype myself to get back on my feet and finish. Finally, after nearly giving up, I was ready to leave.
My wig looks so natural; no one is going to be able to tell it’s not my real hair. It also doesn’t hurt that I’m wearing a hot-pink cowgirl hat with white rhinestones, which covers part of my forehead, including the hairline.
Once I found the hat online, the outfit came together rather quickly. For pants, I chose hot-pink flare jeans. And for my top, I went with a fairly basic white tank that ties in bows on the tops of my shoulders. I also got glitter spray for my hair. That way, if anyone thinks my hair looks different, the glitter will deter them.
When I’m finally ready and looking in the mirror, I feel like I’m looking at a snapshot of my old self, before my world fell apart. My skin looks even and healthy, thanks to the miraculous wonders of makeup. For a brief second, I pretend this is real. That I’m not sick. I’m not heartbroken. I’m not dying. That I’m still dating Reed, still planning our future together, and happy. I’m just getting ready to go to my boyfriend’s sister’s birthday party. We’ll have fun. Maybe we’ll dance the night away.
I want to hold on to that dream, but reality won’t allow it as I look down at my bathroom counter, full of the tools it took to hide the truth.
You’re protecting him, I remind myself as I gather my phone, wallet, and keys and throw them in my new bright pink crossbody purse and head out with Abby’s gift in my other hand.
Tonight might be my toughest challenge yet.
My jaw is practically on the floor as I walk into the arena and see pink decorations everywhere.
I got this. I can do this. Deep breaths.
I’m a few minutes early, but I’m hoping that Abby is already here so that I don’t have to awkwardly mingle with other people and I can go straight to her. Although that dream will be short-lived as I will know almost everyone here.
“Charlotte! I missed you!” someone calls from my right, and I instantly recognize Laura’s voice. “Oh my God, you look amazing!”
As she approaches me with her arms wide, I put a block in my mind to keep myself from immediately breaking down the second she touches me.
I embrace her and pull her into a hug and say, “Thank you. So do you!”
She is wearing a hot-pink T-shirt dress that is slightly distressed, bedazzled tights, and stark-white knee-high high-heeled boots.
“Where are Alec and Jack?” I ask, wanting to immediately dissuade any attention from being focused on me.
“They’re already inside. I had to run back out to the car quickly to grab this. Alec forgot it—go figure.” She holds up the gift bag and laughs. “How are you feeling? Any better?”
She is concerned as my best friend, but also probably as my boss. I want to tell her the truth, to finally let it out, but I can’t. I love Laura to death, but I know that, eventually, she would probably slip up and make a comment to Alec. At that point, it would be uncontainable, and then everything I have planned will be ruined.
I can handle Reed hating me. I accept that. But if he found out the truth and came to me, begging me to take him back, I don’t think I would have the courage to turn him away. He is my greatest weakness, yet the source of my strength.
“Yes, and no. Don’t let the makeup fool you. I almost didn’t come,” I say, teetering on the line of honesty and lying.
“I’m sorry you aren’t doing well, babes. You can work from home for as long as you need to get better,” she offers, and I know I will one thousand percent be taking her up on that.
