Page 2 of The Lies That Shatter
“She pleaded with me to take a chance on us, and I said some hurtful things to get her to drop the subject. I went a bit too far, and she reiterated that not only is our friendship over, but she will never give me a second chance. I believe she said that when I finally get my head out of my ass, I will regret what happened today,” I recount, hating the way my heart aches as I remember each agonising detail.
“She’s right. You do have your head up your ass. We all know you’re crazy about her, so I want to know why you’ve pushed heraway,” Liam responds sternly, sounding so much older than he is.
I groan, wiping my hand down my face in frustration. “What the hell does it matter? It’s done now, and we both know there’s no going back. Besides, she’s better off without me.”
Liam chuckles, but it’s dark and humourless. “Now we’re getting somewhere. So you did push her away, but why?”
“Dad gave me my first assignment. He’s been talking about me taking on my first solo gig for a while, but I managed to put him off by saying I wanted to finish school first. Now that my main school years are done, I have to join the Family business for good. I can stay on for two more years at school or go to college, if I choose, but I can’t put off my jobs any longer. And I can’t take on the roles Dad has planned for me whilst I’m with Mac. She deserves better than that.”
Liam pushes to his feet and begins pacing around my room again like a caged lion, his anger over the situation now beginning to bubble over. As the days go on, Liam has grown more and more angry over the way Dad treats us, and he regularly talks about us all leaving him and this life behind.
I want to say that I’m on board with him, but we have very different relationships with our father. Liam has always been the golden child, and can do no wrong in his eyes. Whereas I have been seeking his approval and competing with my siblings for even the slightest drop of his love for as long as I can remember.
So now that I finally have a chance to prove myself to him, and to make him proud, I know I have to do it. I just wish I didn’t have to lose the one person who means the most to me in this world.
“This is fucking ridiculous. We have talked about this, Finn. The idea that you are going to sell your body, to lie and manipulate your way into women’s beds, just to get the information Dad needs…it’s disgusting.” Venom drips fromevery one of Liam’s words, and I hate the way he makes me feel so sleazy.
“Fuck you, Lee. You have your role, and I have mine. Is it ideal? Fuck, no. Do I wish I was good at everything like you so that I could take my pick of jobs? Hell yes, I do. But that’s not how life works. I finally have a talent that Dad can make use of, and after a lot of years feeling like the outsider in my own goddamn family, I now feel like I am part of things. Like I can finally pull my weight. Mac was just an inevitable casualty,” I explain, trying to sound as impassive as I can. Given the way his stern green eyes lock with mine, I can tell I haven’t been successful.
“Mac doesn’t have to be a casualty, Finn. We could have worked something out.” Liam sounds exasperated, like he can’t believe we’re even having this conversation, and I know how he feels. I never thought there would ever be a day where Mac wasn’t the biggest part of my life.
“There’s nothing to work out. You can’t fix everything, Lee. The jobs I’m going to be doing involve targeting women, lying to them, getting them to fall for me, possibly whoring myself out to them, or even marrying them, all so I can manipulate them in some way. It could be to get what Dad wants, or to steal from them. I have to make them fall in love with me, and I can’t do that if I feel like I’m cheating on McKenna. If I’m going to do my job properly, these women need to really believe I care for them, and I won’t be able to do that if all I can think about is her.
“I’m not like you, Liam. I can’t compartmentalise the way you do. If I’m with Mac, I can’t do the jobs Dad wants me to do, and if I don’t do them, I am of no use to this family. I hate that I’ve hurt Mac, and you have no idea how fucking gutted I am about all of this. I’ve waited almost my whole life for her to tell me how she feels, and she does it the day after I agree to work for Dad. Talkabout shit timing,” I snap, though I can’t really place any blame on McKenna’s shoulders.
Today may have been the day she finally admitted aloud how she feels, but I think I have known for a long time that she likes me too. I just didn’t have the balls to do anything about it in case it risked our friendship. Now, I have lost the girl of my dreams, and my best friend all in one day.
“Please, Finn, you have to make this right, or you will regret it,” Liam pleads, and I want more than anything to listen to him.
“Don’t you think I want to fix this, but I can’t. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it. McKenna was pretty fucking clear that I won’t ever get a second chance with her. I’ve blown it, and I have to accept that. I made my decision… I chose our family, which is what I’ve been trained to do my whole life.
“Do I wish I could have made a different choice? Of course, I do. I want more than anything to be able to have Mac and still make Dad proud, but I can’t do both. Mac deserves a guy who will give her everything, and who will only have eyes for her. And even though I know I will never have real feelings for any of the women I’m forced to date, it would always feel like I was cheating on her, and I would never do that.
“If I were to ever get the chance to be with Mac, for real, she would be my entire world. No other women, no shitty lifestyle, just her. That’s why I pushed her away, because she deserves to be my universe, and until I can give her that, it’s not fair for me to want her.”
Liam lets out another exasperated groan, and I can tell he’s becoming more and more frustrated with my answers. We’re going around in circles, getting nowhere. I’ve made my decision, and even if I wanted to change it, I can’t. Mac has made it very fucking clear.
“How the hell can you be okay with her being with another guy?” he asks, and my insides begin to knot so badly I feel like Imight be sick, as a rage I’ve never felt before bubbles under the surface, making my skin crawl.
I clench my hands into fists and try to get control of my emotions. “I fucking hate the idea of her being with anyone else. It makes me want to slice off every inch of their skin for even thinking they can touch what’s mine…but she’s not really mine. I can’t think about what I want. I have to think about her.”
“Maybe one day you will get a second chance with her, and when that day comes, I hope like hell that you make the right choice. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness for our family,” Liam says as he rests a hand on my shoulder. It’s not much, but it’s his way of trying to comfort me.
No matter how hard I try to control my emotions around him, I know he can see how I really feel. I let out a sigh that sounds more like a strangled cry. “I don’t think I will ever get a second chance with her. She made that very clear. But, no matter where she goes or who she’s with…to me, she will always be mine.”
“Thank you for a lovely evening, Finn. I’ve had a great time,” Mel purrs as she drags her perfectly manicured hand down my arm, making sure to squeeze as she reaches my bicep.
I resist the urge to shudder, and instead put a bright smile on my face, making sure I keep looking into her silver eyes like I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
It’s total bullshit, of course. I would much rather be staring into the gorgeous chocolate eyes I now only seem to see in my dreams. But I can’t allow myself to think of her right now. I need to focus on the job at hand.
“I had such a wonderful time too, Mel. Would you like me to walk you home?” I ask, as I reach across the table and take herspare hand in mine, giving it a slight squeeze. Her face lights up, and my stomach rolls the way it always does when I know I’ve done my job properly.
It’s been a bit of a personal record this time. It’s only taken me four dates, over the course of around two weeks, and I can tell by the look in Melanie Whitlock’s eyes that she is enamoured by me. Well, not by the real me, but by Finn Langford.
The alias I’m using this time, that has been carefully built by Kellan to give me a very realistic backstory. A couple of weeks ago, it was fully investigated, no doubt by someone who works for Mel or her husband, but given the fact she’s still meeting me for dates, it obviously held up under scrutiny.
“Are you sure you don’t mind? It’s not too far out of your way, is it?” she asks, her voice sounding just as posh as she looks.
