The twins from Building C drop their bikes, and Luca’s deadened eyes shift up to find them blank-faced and soaking wet.
“Not them,” I say, breathing frantically. “Please.”
“Walk,” he says, pushing me forward.
My neighbors start peeking out of their windows and opening doors, and Luca decides I’m not walking fast enough. He picks me up, covering my mouth with his hand again, and runs to the street where his car waits. No one is brave enough to follow us. Curtains fall closed, doors stay closed, and the twins can only stare, unknowing targets.
When we get to the black sedan, Luca opens the trunk and panic seizes me.
“No, no, please, Luca, please no,” I scream, hitting and kicking as he forces me into the trunk. Guttural sobs break from my bruised lungs, and I stop hitting and start grabbing, pulling him halfway into the trunk with me. “Please, don’t. Please don’t lock me in here.”
But I’m no match for his strength. He shakes me off and smiles as he closes the trunk with both hands, locking me inside with complete darkness.
My baptism was held three days after my eighteenth birthday.
My parents had not let me accompany them in the main chapel because I had officially become an adult. My age made no difference. We were there to bear witness to my redemption.
For what? I still don’t know.
My mom had patted my knee. Daddy accepted his congratulations. My brothers sat on the pew beside me, ready to watch our Creator in action, up close and personal. I’d started to hope that God would talk to me after this. Thursdays with Elijah weren’t all kissing and touching. He had prepared me to walk beside the Almighty … for the life he said we’d have together.
“God is good,”the lead pastor had said, clapping his hand on my father’s shoulder. “God is good.”
“Glory be to God,”someone else of importance said.
“You must be so proud,”another mentioned. Daddy only nodded in agreement.
Since he had taught the class himself, Elijah was given permission to perform the rite. He wore a brand-new white button-up shirt that still had crease marks where it was folded in the packaging. When he called me back thirty minutes into the Sunday service to prepare for the ceremony, I’d pulled out the thin piece of cardboard from around his collar.
“Will He be there?”I’d asked. Elijah paced back and forth, reading and rereading what he’d written to say during the baptism. I’d been led to believe this was the start of a new beginning, and I wanted to know what to expect when I was put in the water.
Would I emerge a new person?
Would I feel the difference?
Would I finally be accepted? Equal? Holy?
Did I have to go back into the closet?
Elijah looked up from his paperwork.“What? Who?”
I sat on a couch in a blue polyester pantsuit Mom had let me borrow. The slacks rose high around my ankles. The jacket fit tightly around my back, and since my chest was considerably larger than hers, the buttonholes stretched thin.“Jesus?”
He folded his paper in half and slapped it across his palm, cementing his icy stare on me.“Yes, of course,”he’d said halfheartedly.“Cami, you can’t mess this up. Don’t embarrass me in front of the congregation. If I can get through this, they’ll give me more responsibility. I heard the head of children’s ministry is leaving. I could be that replacement.”
“I won’t.”I was disappointed he hadn’t elaborated his answer to my question, but I was more concerned about not humiliating him on stage.
“Change into this.”He handed me a thick green gown. My arms went through the front, and it tied around the back.“Take off everything underneath.”
Before we went on stage, I asked,“Should we pray?”
He didn’t look at me. He shook his head and said,“We don’t have time for that.”
I squinted against the bright lights above the stage, but the glare had been blinding. Elijah gave his sermon from the podium at the top of the stage. The lights focused solely on him, turning everything beyond his frame into shadows. The gown chafed against my naked body like sandpaper, loose threads tickled the back of my neck, and I held the ties in my hand just in case from my position beside the tub.
“Cami is here to publicly declare her faith to Jesus.”He elongated the Es and sharpened the Ss and testified animatedly with his hands. Shaking his Bible righteously, he slammed his palms against the podium as sweat dripped down the back of his neck. “She stands before us, prepared to trust our Lord and Savior with her whole heart.”
After a round of applause, Elijah climbed into the tub with me. The water was cold, and he muttered an obscenity under his breath. When the music started to play, a tune meant to emphasize the pious occasion, Elijah finally said a prayer and crossed my wrists over my chest.
