Page 45 of Before Forever
I didn’t forget about how much I missed Rebecca as a person. That was impossible. But I had forgotten how much I missed the things she used to do with me. The long walks and conversations, the laughs…the company. Every time Melody and I shared that, it seemed to go deeper than the time before. It was scary to think how close we were becoming. I didn’t want to lose someone close to me again.
“So, what do you think about the registry? Are you going to do it?” I asked after a while.
“Yeah, I think I will,” she nodded. “Even if it won’t have much impact on what the next owners can do to the place, it would give you a fair chance at protecting it. That’s something. Still though,” she frowned. “I’m worried about it. The place is slowly coming together, and it’s starting to feel more like home, you know? I’d hate for anything to happen to it. What if someone didn’t take care of it? All that hard work you’ve done would go to waste.”
“There is a way to fix that,” I reminded her.
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“Stay.”
She burst into laughter. “Yeah, right. I can’t do that.”
But I wasn’t laughing. “I’m serious. Could you see yourself living some place like this permanently?”
She shook her head and looked off into the distance from our perch on the rocks of the banks. “It’s hard to imagine. But, I guess it gets a little easier the longer I’m here. But…” A nervous smile washed over her face. “No, never mind.”
“What is it?” I asked intently, leaning in closer to listen.
She was hesitant and nervous, darting her eyes between me and the ground. “It feels weird to say it, but to be honest, it’s a little hard to talk about the option of staying here without talking about whatever is going on between you and me.”
I swallowed a big lump down my throat. I knew she was right, but it was the last thing I wanted to talk about. Admitting there was something between us that went beyond just hooking up a time or two was terrifying, even if it was obviously true.
“Going through this breakup with Evan sucked,” she continued. “The only thing that made it easier was how easily people disappear in the big city. I didn’t have to see him, which made it a little easier to try and not think about him. But here, the way you describe everything, if I stayed, it’d be a risk. It’d be a nightmare if you, well, if one of us hurt the other one. Everyone would know about it, and we wouldn’t be able to get away from each other so easily.”
“That’s one way to look at it.” I scratched my head and leaned back on the rocks. It was a bad idea to try and convince her to stay for me. I didn’t know if I was ready for whatever this thing was. If I couldn’t put a name to it, that was probably just further proof.
“We have a little time to figure it out,” I decided after a while. I slowly slid my hand across the rock and wrapped it around hers. “But maybe for the time you have left here, we could work a little harder at doing that.”
She lifted her brows, eyeing her hand in mine. “No offense, but you’re the one who’s been hard to figure out through all of this. Sure, I’m scared too. But I can never seem to figure out what’s going through that head of yours.” She brushed her fingers through the tips of my hair, pulling them down the side of my face.
I closed my eyes with her touch and thought of all the things I’d like to do to her right there on the rocks. The sun was going down, so we had the privacy of darkness. It would have been so easy to go tumbling back into the grass with her, losing myself in her kiss. But I knew that the sunset meant it was getting close to dinner time, which meant Em and Keith would be waiting on me. He promised to cook this time, and I didn’t want to let them down. Besides, I figured maybe it was best if I had a little time to think before I said too much to Melody, before I promised too much.
“I have to get going,” I announced reluctantly. Her shoulders dropped with disappointment. I was getting tired of having that effect on her so often. “But the station is throwing its annual Fall Harvest Fair this weekend. Keith and I always get a booth with some furniture and things we make. We sell them and donate the money. Plus, there’s a chili cook-off that’s pretty damn good. Will you go with me?”
Her face warmed with a smile. “Sure, okay. So far, you haven’t steered me wrong with the local food. We’ll have to put that to the test with the chili.”
“Deal.” I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, then stood and reached out my hand to help her up.
I walked her back to her place and kissed her again before she went inside. It was hard to resist her and even harder to walk away. That kind of pull was dangerous, but it was kind of too late now. We had already put this thing in motion and proved more than once that we couldn’t stop it. It would take Melody leaving town for me to stand any kind of chance at not caving into those big blue eyes of hers.
The house was already filled with the smell of something burning by the time I got back. Em watched Keith fuss over the stove. I walked in just as he burned himself on the sauce he was trying to sample.
“Quarter in the swear jar!” Em shouted, pointing at him.
He spun around to see me standing there, and all I could do was laugh. “You heard her.” I nodded towards the big jar on the shelf that Rebecca had installed to teach me to watch my language around Em after she was born. I had gotten pretty good at it since she got big enough to police me on it. I was proud to see it was starting to collect dust, but now Keith would have to pay up and put it to use again.
He groaned and reached into his pocket, pulling out one quarter to toss into the jar.
“I thought I’d practice my chili for the cook-off this weekend, but I left the damn thing simmering too long, and the bottom of the pot burned,” he grumbled, trying to stir away the damage. “Em was distracting me.”
“I was only trying to tell you a story,” she shrugged.
“It must have been a good one,” I winked at her. “Go wash up for dinner. I’ll see what I can do to help your uncle here.”
“Where were you anyway?” he asked as Em bounced out of the room.
I considered lying, but he’d see me with Melody that weekend anyway. There was no use in delaying the inevitable.
