Page 25 of Catalyst
“I’d have melted onto the floor if that man said something like that to me.” Katie’s grin turns into a frown. “Wait, you’re not together now? I don’t understand.”
I sigh. The image of Adam’s face, as he held me while we danced, is burned into my memory. His desperation for me was palpable, and I felt it rush through my body without him even touching me. “He’s too hung up on his rules to let himself do something crazy, like sleep with his secretary. His excuse is he’s protecting me, and, to a certain extent, I can understand where he’s coming from, but I also want him with a fierceness I’ve never experienced before. I know he feels the same way about me. The way he held me as we danced… It was like he couldn’t bear to let me go when the song was over.”
A few weeks ago—hell, even a few days ago—I would’ve said getting together with my boss would be the ultimate mistake. Mixing business with pleasure never ends well. But then Adam gave me a peek at him with his tie loose, and everything changed. Knowing he returns the desperation I feel made me wonder what would happen if we did get together, and now I can’t stop imagining it.
“Wow,” Katie murmurs. “And there’s really no chance for you guys to make a go of a relationship? I mean, you’re both adults here. It’s not like you’re going to turn into a lunatic at the drop of a hat.”
“If he suddenly decides to take the chance, maybe. I don’t see him letting go of the rigid rules he’s crafted his life around, though. He’s so afraid of the world falling out from under him, he can’t let himself be happy.”
“I can understand how having a quick fling with your boss would create some unwanted tension.”
“At this point, I don’t think either one of us could keep our feelings out of the equation. There’s something about him, Katie. He’s the calm to my chaos. Even just being in the same room with him allows my constantly swirling emotions to settle. And I’d like to think I bring a little happiness to his day, too.”
“What are you going to do?”
“There’s not much I can do. He won’t change, and I know if I pushed him, it would only breed resentment between us.”
“I can’t imagine he could ignore the connection you have forever.”
“The sad part is, we don’t have forever. This job is temporary. When it’s over, I have to move on. I have to protect myself just as much as he does.”
“Well, then how about we finish these margaritas and let The Rock and Kevin Hart make us laugh?”
“Sold.”
CHAPTER12
Adam
Walkinginto the quiet office this morning, I’m in a bigger hurry than usual. I’m pretending it’s not because of who I’ll see when I get there. I simply have a lot to get done. It has absolutely nothing to do with the bubbly secretary I can’t seem to stop thinking about.
Who knew finding out a woman wanted to kiss me would send me into a tailspin? It’s taken every ounce of control I possess not to text her every night. I want to know what she’s doing, what she’s thinking about, and if I’m on her mind as much as she’s on mine. It’s been maddening.
Unlocking my office door, I see the lights are already on. The faint hint of Ellie’s perfume lingers in the air, bringing back the memories of us dancing together. God, I would love to go back to that moment and keep her in my arms for the rest of the night.
After my conversation with Matthew, I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out if I could truly make something work with Ellie. I know next to nothing about dating and relationships. I’ve studiously avoided anything like it for years. There are too many landmines in the dating world. One woman is only with me for my money. Another only cares about my celebrity status. It’s exhausting trying to figure out who is in this relationship for the right reasons.
And even though I know Ellie isn’t like any of the past women I’ve tried dating, I still have no clue how to navigate a successful relationship. I’m self-centered and a workaholic. What would I bring to the table that Ellie would be interested in? Add in the fact that she’s my secretary, and the risks are too overwhelming for me to justify.
I set my stuff down on my desk, seeking out the white sticky note with rainbows I’ve come to look forward to every day.
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” —Dr. Seuss
Messaged received, Elliana. But knowing the importance of our almost kiss and being able to do anything about it are two very separate things.
I peel a sticky note from the blank pad on my desk, crumple it in the palm of my hand, and throw it into the trash. Then I gently peel Ellie’s note and place it along with the others in the top drawer of my desk. I have every single one she’s ever written, kept safe for no other reason than I’m not capable of throwing them away.
I held on to the first few notes to use as evidence when the time came for her to be let go. Then I continued to keep them until suddenly, I had a pile of them in my drawer and no desire to get rid of them. I’ve pretended to throw them away ever since.
Silently walking across the room, I stop at the door leading into Ellie’s office. The open doorway allows me to see her sitting behind her desk, her head bent over her tablet. A piece of hair falls across the side of her face as she draws. At least, that’s what I’m assuming she’s doing as the pencil moves across the screen.
What I wouldn’t give to have the right to go in there and place my hands on her shoulders, maybe run my lips along the column of her neck.
Nothing is stopping you from doing just that!
My heart is screaming at me to take what it wants, yet my brain—the logical bastard it is—won’t let me.
Maybe I could talk with HR. This torture of having her just out of reach is almost too much to bear.
