Page 93 of Abigail's King
“I have nothing to forgive you for, Pai. You were always there for me. I just chose not to seek help. I tried but no one saw it as a problem. Even I didn’t until it was too late, until I had lost everything, including two children I knew nothing about until a few days ago. I am speaking to a counsellor now. I’ve only had one session so far, but it really helped. I’m going to carry on seeing him. And I promise you that I am never going to let my Bonita go again. She saved me, Pai. She is my light, the air I breathe, the only one to make me realise that I deserve love and can have it. With her.”
I got up from my position on the floor and held out my hand to my dad. He took it, expecting me to shake it as I had done so many times, but I needed more. I needed both my dad’s acceptance and love. I carefully pulled him up from his seat and wrapped my arms around him. Instantly, he did the same. I had never felt as calm as I did right them. To finally feel accepted and absolved of the past eighteen years as I did right then in my dad’s arms. I couldn’t remember the last time we had done this. In fact, I wasn’t sure we had ever hugged like this.
I wasn’t sure how long we were standing there, when there was a knock on the door and Mateus walked in. He was always able to get away with that, whereas I always had to wait. I looked over at him without moving from my position. I saw a smile come over his face and a tear roll down his cheek. He nodded his head at me and turned to walk out of the room. My dad pulled away from me and placed his hands on my shoulders.
“If you ever feel that way again, please talk to me. I’ve been through depression myself. It’s taken me a long while to get back to the man you once knew. I can help, but you need to want to help yourself, which you are now doing. And I know now it will never come back to me.”
It was only when he said those last words that I realised what he was saying. He had suffered because of me. I had caused his depression. I went to speak, but he cut me off before I said a word.
“It doesn’t matter now, Ricardo. You have come home to us, son. That is all that matters.”
After my heart-to-heart with my dad, the rest of the day was spent getting to know my family again. So much had happened in the eighteen years I had been gone, becoming an uncle just being part of it. Joaquim was an amazing kid. Hell-bent on becoming the next Cristiano Ronaldo, but extremely intelligent with it. Even if he didn’t become a footballer, he would probably become an amazing police officer like Mateus.
Aliciana told me her plans to become a model like Abigail, and both our parents were happy for that to happen, especially now that Abigail would be around to help her. Once the twins were born, we would get her to come over and put everything in place for her to do the one thing she wanted. As for my mum and dad, they were both retired now. It seemed strange that I had missed so much of their lives. I was just happy that they wanted me back in theirs. The whole day had been an amazing success, and I felt closer to my dad than I had ever been. We promised to keep in touch with them on a weekly basis and to come over as much as we could. That wouldn’t be a problem with the money we both had, and with the house, we didn’t have to find anywhere to stay.
We both promised to come and see everyone before we headed back to the UK in a few days. Both Abigail and I wanted some time together to heal. There was still so much we had to talk about and plans to make. I also had one big decision to make, one that I thought I would never do. I needed to talk to someone about it, though, and today would be the perfect day.
“Mateus, do you have a minute?”
He looked at me, puzzled, for a second, especially as I gestured for him to come outside with me. There was two reasons for that: one, I didn’t want anyone hearing our conversation, and secondly, I really needed a cigarette. I waited outside and lit up.
“Since when have you smoked?”
“Most of my life. It’s only occasionally now, mainly when I am stressing over something. Just with everything that’s happened over the past couple of days, I really needed one.”
He didn’t say a word. What could he say to a thirty-six, nearly thirty-seven-year-old guy?
“What did you need me for? I’m guessing this has something to do with Abigail, since you pulled me to one side.”
“Yeah, it does. Should I ask Abigail to marry me before or after the twins are born? I know now isn’t the right time, especially after everything we have been through. I’m just not sure when I should do it. I have an idea, but I needed to know what you thought.”
“Okay, shoot.”
I explained my idea to Mateus. When I wanted to do it and how. I could see this big grin come on his face, which told me his answer before he even said it.
“I think that’s perfect. Just let me know what you need me to do and get arranged for you, and I will do it.”
