Page 75 of Bad Wolf
“Can’t you put yourself in her position for one minute? You loved her so much, man. I’m telling you, you would have done the same thing.”
He hands me a bottle of water. Not sure where he pulled that from. Maybe it actually took me ten minutes to walk from the front door to the couch. I open it, downing half in one go.
“It’s hard, okay? I’ve been carrying this with me for so long that I don’t know how to be any different.” It’s a lame excuse for not going after what I really want.
I don’t want to admit this, not even to myself, but I’m a little scared by how I feel about her. My heart is winning this battle.
I swear, whenever I think of Wren it gives a kick and growlsmine. Even though we’ve been apart, even though we haven’t spoken in six years, it’s already handed itself back over.
And thanks to my dad, I’m now at a breaking point, but in a good way. We battled those demons together and he made me face up to the choice I had to make…
A life with Wren in it, or without.
If she stays, would I want to see her eventually move on with someone else? The answer is a resounding fuck no!
“You two are meant to be together. Can’t you see that? Christ, Ace, I would give anything to have what you had together.” He side-eyes Hollywood who is at the other end of the couch for a millisecond but continues on, “And she’s right here. Still in love with you. You can have it all back and then some. An NHL career and your dream girl. That’s what you used to call her, right? Your dream girl?”
I take another swig of water, “She lied, made me believe that she and that dickweed had sex.”
My argument is halfhearted at best. He can shut up now.
“Knock that shit off, you’re not a liar. Don’t start today. You love her too. You never stopped. Haven’t you both hurt enough for a lifetime? Stop fucking it all up.” He’s very invested in this.
I stare at him unblinkingly, “Have you fuckin’ finished?” I ask in a bored tone.
He blows out a loud, over-exaggerated breath and his gaze flits to our teammate again as he throws himself down next to me.
“Yes. I have nothing left to say,” his tone is laced with defeat.
“How about you, you got any pearls of wisdom?” I say, kicking at Hollywood’s foot.
I know I’ve been off the rails lately, but he’s definitely been MIA. I feel like I hardly see or talk to him anymore. Although my shitty attitude has probably been the biggest deterrent.
Why would anyone wanna hang out with a fuck up like me?
Hollywood shakes out of whatever daze he was in and sits up straighter, “I got nothing, except you’re both still in love with each other, I know that much. Nobody is as cut up over their ex as you. What have you got to lose?”
Still in love with each other.
Those words hold a lot of weight. It’s too much, too soon to think in those terms. We’re not talking about a total one eighty here, but the feelings she stirs up in me can no longer be ignored.
I want to talk to her.
I can’t live knowing she’s here too. Working for Casey, slotting herself into my friendship group. She came to New York for me. And I want to explore what that means.
So I gloss over the first part and answer the question he asked, “My pride, my sanity…” then I sigh, “and six fuckin’ years of displaced anger. Fuck. She drives me crazy,” I finish with a mutter.
Jason grins, making his eyes seem bigger behind his glasses, “We know, but in the best kind of way.”
I shake my head. It really is in the best kind of way.
“How do I, uh, how do I make this better?” My heart hammers in my chest with the knowledge that now I’ve surrendered we might get our dream girl back.
“I think this is the easiest thing you’ll ever do, Bro. You just go find her and tell her you forgive her and then take it from there. You should also apologize for your shitty attitude since she came home. And she is home, Knox.”
Hollywood stretches his arms above his head and sighs, “I gotta get moving. I just came back here to get a few things I need to take over to the house.”
I turn to look at him. “We were right there, why didn’t you go straight from the practice facility?”
