Page 46 of One Texas Night...
“I can give you an answer about moving in with you,” she began in a shaky voice.
He looked down at her, anticipation flaring in his eyes. She steeled herself to deliver the blow.
“I can’t do it. I want marriage with someone who doesn’t put their life in danger at every opportunity. We’re opposites in too many ways, and I can’t deal with the terrifying daredevil risks that you thrive on.”
“Allison, this is a big step for me. I told you I’ve never asked a woman to move in with me before. That’s a commitment of sorts.”
“It wouldn’t matter if you proposed tonight. When I watched you ride, it all came back when I got the news about Mom and Chad, the crash and their deaths. I remember the fear and the worry caused by their loss. I can’t do it. I can’t go through that over and over with you while you risk your life again and again. You live life your way, and I’ll live mine the only way I can. There will be a woman for you who will be so thrilled by all the wild things you do. I’m just not that woman. I’m in love with you, but I can’t take your lifestyle. I couldn’t possibly tie my life to yours.”
“Allison, you’re tossing away happiness with both hands. Move in with me and take a chance. I’m fine. I’m careful. I’ve done a lot of risky things, but I do them the way they should be done—with care and planning.”
“Care and planning didn’t matter for eight seconds tonight.”
“Well, maybe not so much when you’re on an irate bull, but I’m careful. Don’t throw away what we have because it’s unique and special.”
“You can talk until the sun comes up. I can’t change how I feel about this.” It was killing her to say these words.
“You and your brother are major worrywarts, and it will hurt you, just as it has Sloan, who has cut so many sports from his life.”
“I seriously doubt if Sloan misses any of them or gives them a thought now.”
They looked into each other’s eyes, and she could feel the clash, see the determination in the jut of his jaw, hear his deep breathing while he stared at her in silence.
He reached for her. “You’re going to let this fire we have between us die? It’s special—you know it is. You’ll never find it with anyone else, and neither will I.”
“I’d say you’re the one letting it go. There’s a life out there far more important to you, and I’m not so sure what we’ve found is unique between us. You’ll fall in love and so will I, and we’ll never look back,” she said sadly, her heart breaking. “I want marriage and a family, and you’re not ready for that, Jared.”
He pulled her into his arms to kiss her. For a moment she was stiff with resistance, but he continued to kiss her, his arm banding her waist while his hand caressed her, running lightly down her bare back. She couldn’t resist. His kiss and caress brought desire to life, making her want only his loving, his hands, his mouth, his body. Her fears were forgotten, her breaking heart salvaged for now because she was aware only of Jared, and she wanted him with more urgency than before.
He was right: it was unique with him, and in truth, she didn’t think she would ever find this fire and excitement with anyone else, but tonight had to be their last. It was just postponing the goodbye until morning.
For now, she closed her mind to everything except Jared and his loving.
She held him with her arm around his neck while she ran her other hand over him and kissed him with all the passion in her. Dimly, above her pounding heartbeat, she heard his groan, a low rumble in his throat while his arm wrapped around her waist.
They made love through the night, but it was a frantic, urgent coupling. When daylight came and sunlight spilled into the bedroom, she slipped quietly out of bed and went to shower.
When she returned, dressed in jeans, a pale blue sweater and flip-flops, he was gone. As she walked into the hallway, he emerged from the guest bathroom. His hair was wet, combed. He had slight dark stubble on his jaw, and he wore the same clothes he had worn last night.
“I’ll help you open the boxes.”
“We can open them later,” she said, again feeling as if her heart was being ripped out. She looked at him intently, memorizing everything about him: his eyes, his mouth, his hands.
“I won’t be here later,” he replied. His words cut and hurt, but it was the answer she expected.
“Just leave them, Jared. I’ll have Sloan help me. I’m not ready to move them yet.”
He nodded. “Do you still have the same answer—you won’t move in with me?”
“No, I won’t,” she said. “I can’t do it, and I know that now.”
“And I can’t give up the life I have. That’s who I am, Allison.”
She followed him to the door, and each step hurt more. She was losing him. It was her fault, her fears that she couldn’t overcome. She wanted a family, and she didn’t want the father of her children off on wild, life-threatening adventures. Her mother had been fun, exciting, filled with life, full of exuberance and enthused over whatever she was doing. It had been wonderful when everything was going right, but none of it, the exuberance, the excitement, the zest for living, had been worth the cost—losing her life in a crash that had also killed Chad. Total confidence in themselves seemed to go with that approach to life. That just wasn’t for her. She wanted someone safe, cautious and as conservative as she was.
At the door he turned to look at her, his gaze going slowly over her face. He kissed her, holding her so tightly she thought she might not get her breath back. He released her, picked up his hat and was gone.
She watched him walk to his car, watched him drive away, and she knew he was leaving her life forever. While she hurt, salty tears began to spill over her cheeks. “Jared,” she whispered, hating that she loved him. For the next hour, all she could do was cry his name.
