Page 54 of Carrying Your Lies
Xavier shuffles closer and takes my face in his hands. His nose runs along the bridge of mine. My eyes close from how intimate it feels. His breath lightly fans over my lips.
“I would have left if I knew you existed.”
My hands close over his as I allow myself a moment to feel his love, no matter how wrong it is. “We can’t,” I whisper. I pull his hands off my face and stare at the rejection in his eyes. “No matter how much I want to.”
Xavier kisses the back of my hands. “Please don’t leave me.”
I give him a sad smile. “Leave to go where? I have no place to call home and nobody that belongs to me.”
Loneliness is a scary thing. People speak of loneliness as if it’s only a physical thing. But tofeelloneliness is daunting. It’s a cloud that follows you everywhere. You can be in a room full of people but feel as if you are alone. You can laugh and smile but feel empty inside. That is all I have known my whole life.
With a look of conviction, he says, “You have me.”
Xavier is probably the only person who sees me forme, but there is one glaring problem.
I let go of his hands. “You’re not mine,” I remind him.
16
Emeryglaresatherhusband as he hands me his copy of the scan. Even with her eyes narrowed in our direction, I smile at the little blob. It felt surreal hearing the heartbeat. Everything feels real now. I caress my stomach and once again promise to protect this baby.
Thankfully, Dr. Roe confirmed a single pregnancy. The baby is as healthy as can be at six weeks. Emery cried with joy while Xavier quietly thanked me. It was the first time I realised that even if they aren’t one unit, they will love this baby more than anything.
“A reminder of at least one good thing you’ve done,” he mutters.
I give him a tight hug. “Thank you.”
The cold tone of Emery’s question has me jerking away from him. “When did you buy a car?”
“It’s not our concern what she does with her money,” Xavier responds.
Knowing she would fly off the handle, I don’t tell her the truth about the car. She looks like she wants to murder me just for having a copy of the scan.
“It was a Christmas gift to myself,” I lie.
She doesn’t smile. She arches her brow. “Very well.”
Xavier sends Emery home in his car and carpools with me, though he doesn’t let me drive. The tan leather seats heat up within seconds, and I nestle into it.
Just as Xavier kills the engine, my phone rings. I see Elliot’s name across the screen and huff to myself. When I ask Xavier for a few minutes, he eyes me suspiciously but walks away.
“What now?”
“I’ve fucked up, Sav. I’ve fucked up real bad.” His voice shakes with worry.
Anxiety crawls into every crevice of my body. “What happened?”
He mutters under his breath. “That money I told you I owe? It’s to Cam.”
I close my eyes tight and pray this is a dream turned nightmare — and my morning alarm will save me any moment now. “How much?”
“Six.”
An avalanche of curses rests on my tongue, but I know it won’t achieve anything. Cameron and his boys are bad news; if you cross them, you end up in a morgue.
“I don’t have six grand on hand.”
“Can’t you ask your boss?”
