“Can I let you know tomorrow?” I sputtered. It was a cop-out, and he deserved better than me, but I needed time. There was too much pressure riding on my future. My parent’s loveless marriage destroyed my understanding of relationships, and I hadn’t recognized the impact until now. “Please?”
He stomped to the door and threw my bag on the sofa bed. “Fine, but this conversation isn’t over.”
Chapter 36
When I entered the kitchen the next morning, Connor and Jaime had been outside for over an hour, struggling to put up Christmas decorations around the home’s exterior, and I was grateful for the separation. I didn’t want to talk, but I had no choice. Deirdre asked me a barrage of questions about my life, and I tried my best to answer politely.
“Rory, dear, tea?”
I held open my hand, and Deirdre handed me an empty delicate teacup. The matching floral teapot simmered on the table. I watched the hot steam escape from the skinny nose and waited before pouring it into my cup. “Thank you, this is great.” I blew along the top layer before bringing the cup to my lips.
“When are you going home to America?” Deirdre asked, sitting beside me. She pulled out a shortbread cookie and dipped it in her tea. A smidgen fell into her cup and Deirdre stirred until it disintegrated.
“My flight leaves December nineteenth. My last final is the fifteenth. That’ll give me a few days to pack and prepare for my flight home.” My stomach lurched, thinking about home, Marty and Scott. And now Jaime. When I landed in Ireland, I never thought my heart would shatter.
Deirdre’s warm eyes melted my icy exterior, and I felt a sudden desire to confide in her and seek motherly advice, but I couldn’t. I barely knew her. “What happens when you all move out? Will Jaime get new roommates?”
I raised my shoulders and frowned. “I don’t know. We never talked about that. I assume he’ll either request a transfer or he’ll get new roommates.” I imagined beautiful, interesting women with perky breasts and big hips moving in. One of them would sleep in my bed. A general ickiness settled around me. Back in New England, I would be in my old life with my so-called friends, and it wouldn’t be fair to expect him to sit around and wait for me.
Deirdre slurped her tea. “Hmmm.”
“Maybe he’ll move in with Owen.” Aoife’s long, blonde locks and boisterous laugh danced through my mind. Irritated at my annoyance, I grabbed a cookie and nibbled on the edge.
“Are you excited to see your parents?”
I choked at the mere mention of my parents and gulped three scalding sips of tea. My eyes watered and I wiped the tears away. I expected my mother to show up at the airport in her prescription-induced haze and explain away my father’s absence. “Not really. When I get home, I’m moving into my old apartment with my old friend, Marty.” Her name on my lips turned the sweet tea bitter. I took another bite of cookie.
“Do your parents live nearby?” Deirdre wouldn’t stop.
“They live about two hours from school. I go to school in Boston and my parents live in New Hampshire, right outside the White Mountains.”
“Ah, yes, New Hampshire. I’ve always wanted to go there.”
I looked at her, the invitation on my lips, but the trepidation of her acceptance holding my words inside. I tried to steer the conversation to the beach and touristy things to do in New England, but she continued to turn it back to me.
“Jaime and I don’t talk about his love life often,” she said, “But you make him utterly happy. I don’t know your plans once you go home, but we’ll miss you.”
I tried to smile, but a grimace settled on my lips.
Deirdre excused herself to use the bathroom, and I stewed in grief until she returned.
Looking out the window, I watched Jaime and Connor huddle around the bushes, planning their next move. He looked so comfortable with his dad, helping, laughing, and working through the chill. Jaime’s such a good guy. I shook my head to remove the kind thoughts that hovered over my bad mood. I wish I hadn’t felt pressured to say ‘I love you.’ I wasn’t ready for that.
Deirdre stumbled back into the kitchen and poured more water into her cup. I knew she was prying, but I needed to address her concerns. She didn’t want her son to get hurt, and I appreciated that. It was more concern than my parents ever had for me.
Running my hands through my hair, I leaned back in the chair. “Your son is special, Deirdre. He’s kind, supportive, loving, and thoughtful. He’s patient, and he stands up for the people he loves.” Words thrown across the apartment between Jaime and Scott bounced between my ears, and I realized he had believed me and trusted me without even knowing the full story about Scott and I. “I don’t know what the future will bring, but he’s special, and no matter what, I’ll never forget him.”
I meant to reassure her, but I felt worse. I just told his mother that we would not last beyond Galway. That was the truth, right? Isn’t that what I had been telling Jaime all along? There was no way we could work.
Willie Daly’s kind eyes and long, white beard appeared before me. His excitement for my future taunted me, and I shook my head. His cheery face disappeared into the Irish countryside beyond the small windows.
Deirdre looked at me, taking in my sadness. “I hope you find solace in your choices, Rory. You’re a beautiful girl and you’re good with my son. I hope it works out.”
I swallowed back the tears that climbed behind my eyes. “Me too.”
Chapter 37
Jaime and I had said little in the previous twenty-four hours. I feigned illness and went to bed early while he and his family watched a movie. Their laughter echoed through the hall as my mind slipped in and out of sleep. I didn’t make it to dreamland, my sleep a black void that kept me on edge all night. I half wanted Jaime to crawl into bed and hold me, but I knew I had ruined any chance of that.
