Page 49 of Felix and the Spy
“About the house…,” He cleared his throat. “I’ve decided not to sell it. I have a lot of precious memories in that place, and it’d be nice to visit Inferno City once in a while.”
“It’s your house,” Max said. “I just want you to be happy, father. I might not understand your choices, but there’s nothing worse than seeing your parents be miserable.”
Felix nodded, his throat tight. He put his arms around his son and hugged him. Max hugged him back. “You know I’m proud of you Max.”
“I know.” Max held him tighter.
When they broke the embrace, he looked at his son. “I’m so happy you found someone to love. Rina is a wonderful girl. I’m sure she’s the companion you need.”
Max shyly nodded.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and figure out how to get Amara back.”
After exchanging another embrace with his son, he stepped out. Felix moved to his room. The four-poster double bed reminded him of her, her scent lingering in the dingy quarters. It was here that he’d brought her to pleasure, and she’d transformed his life without even knowing it. He remembered how he held her as she slept, curled next to him.
Felix’s eyes trailed to the desk that overlooked the closed window. There were a few pieces of parchment and books scattered over it. He’d written letters to her for years, wearing out that old wooden chair. Felix sat on it, his bittersweet smile reflected in the window glass. Sometimes, you meet someone precious when you least expect it. Amara had been a gift, a second chance at life he’d never dared to hope for. But she was here now, and he didn’t want to let her go.
So, he did what he’d done long ago. He gathered a fresh piece of paper and dipped his quill into a pot of black ink. And he began writing a letter.
Nineteen
Amara
Amara returned home early in the morning, after an exhausting journey from Cadia. Her one week was up, and she’d made a decision—she was going to try to get Felix back. She’d apologize, beg, and do whatever it took to make up for her stupidity. She loved Felix, and it scared her because she had never been in love before. But all good things lay on the other side of fear. She had to try.
Everything in Sigilis was just as she’d left it. Except, everything appeared a little duller. She paused by the flower shop downstairs, which was getting ready to open.
“You’re back,” her landlady said. “Someone came asking after you, but I told them I don’t know where you went.” Amara nodded, wanting to go upstairs and rest. “By the way, you have a letter.”
A letter? Amara reached for her mailbox and pulled out an envelope with letters scrawled in black ink.
From Mr. Garett
Her eyes popped open. All traces of tiredness vanished as she stared down at the yellowing envelope. She hadn’t received a letter from Mr. Garett in ages. Not after she and Felix decided to stop corresponding. So, why had he written to her?
“Thank you.” She grabbed the letter and rushed upstairs, eager to read it. Had the post office made a mistake?
As soon as she locked the door, she dumped her luggage on the floor and tore the letter open. A folded page fell down, nestled between her fingers. With a thudding heart, she unfolded it. Felix’s familiar scrawl filled the page. It wasn’t Mr. Garett’s writing but his. She recognized them from the daily reports she’d seen at work.
Dear Mrs. Dane,
I realize it has been a while since I wrote to you. You see, a lot has happened in my life since our last correspondence. I met this woman that I fell in love with. I was happier than I’d been in a long time, and I hoped that it would last forever. But she left, and I don’t know how to get to her except to write to you. I don’t know where to find her, and I don’t know if she’ll ever read this letter. But I hope she does because there are so many things I didn’t say when she left.
Since you have been writing to me for a while, you must know my feelings on the matter of love. I’ve been in love once before, and it ended too soon. I was afraid of falling in love again, of going through the same pain. These last few years have been hell. Each day has been a reminder of the hopelessness that has etched itself into my heart.
However, I can’t control my emotions just like I can’t control the weather. Love finds us at the most unexpected of times, and lifts us up when we need it the most. It forces us to overcome our limitations and choose hope again and again.
I should know because I am in love with you.
For the past week has been agonizing. I have lived in a fog of despair, too afraid to hope for reconciliation. If you’re reading this letter, Amara, know that I have never stopped thinking of you. I will do whatever it takes to make this right. When we started this affair, I was looking for a diversion. A new passion that would help me move on. But what I found was much more than that.
I have found a new purpose, a soul that resonates with my own. I have found a new way of living: To love and be loved.
I want to hold your hand when you’re lost, be your resting place when you’re too tired to fight and kiss you for days until we run out of breath. If it weren’t for you, I’d never have discovered how much I have to give. I want to give you everything—my love, my passion, my devotion, my company, and the rest of my days, for whatever it’s worth.
Regardless of how this goes, I will always be glad that you kissed me that night in the office and pushed me to accept my desires. I am grateful for every moment that I spent in your company for they are all precious memories that I will cherish forever. My life is better for knowing you.
In your first letter, you said that you’d be a beacon of light in my darkness. You have indeed been that. Like the north star, you have steadfastly guided me to joy. That’s why here I am, transformed, redeemed beyond my expectations, and ready to embark on a new course in life.
