Page 13 of Shame
A little grunt from under all the fabric has me exhaling with relief.
“Are you all right?”
She scoffs. “No.”
“Oh… I’m—I’ll drive you home.”
“I can’t ever go home.” It’s no more than a whisper, but the words carry such sadness it’s like a blow to my stomach.
“What do you mean? It’s just down the hill.”
“You’re so stupid.”
“I’m not stupid! You’re not very coherent.”
Suddenly the blanket flies off her and on my backseat lies a naked, bruised girl. Her eyes flare. She’s bruised beyond anything I’ve seen and yet there’s such fire in there I can’t believe it.
“I’m not coherent?” she rasps. “You want to fuck me too? I’m nobody anyway. I’m nothing. I’m meat.”
There’s not one single cell in my body that wants to touch this girl sexually. All I want is for her to feel safe. I hop out of the car and get into the back with her, sitting on the opposite seat. She flinches and stares at me, her eyes widening.
I hold out my hand. “I’m… I’m not gonna touch you.”
She relaxes but makes no effort covering herself back up. Carefully, one inch at a time, I lean over, grab the edge of the blanket and pull it back up again.
“Disgusted to even look at me?”
“No, well… I just wanted you to have some privacy.”
Her short laugh is tainted with bitterness. “Privacy.”
“Do… do you need Tylenol? Something?”
“Do you have a gun?”
“No… Why?”
“What kind of a mobster are you? You don’t have a gun?” She scoffs and opens her eyes, meeting my gaze.
My cheeks heat up. “I’m just a driver.”
“He’ll call for me again, you know.”
“No, he won’t. No one goes there twice. He likes the fresh faces. You’re good.”
“What’s your name?”
“Lucas.”
“Lucas.” It’s as if she tastes my name. It sounds exotic from between her lips, a hint of a foreign accent to it. “Lucas. Trust me. He will. It can’t happen. I need to die before that. Can you help me?”
I lean forward and stroke a patch of her forehead that isn’t black and blue. “No, I can’t, and no, he won’t call for you again. What makes you say that?”
“I saw it in his eyes, Lucas. He knows he didn’t break me. For a long while I thought he did, but in those last moments, I knew I needed to live.”
“Then hold on to that, Carmen, whatever it was that made you feel it.”
She nods. I wipe off a tear, along with some snot, that hangs from the tip of her nose.
