Page 45 of Swamp Princess
Rem leans back against the desk and looks at me. I watch him run a hand through his hair, tousling it a little. “I don’t know, I’m confused myself. I should hate you, and I should be looking for the future and not someone who could possibly lose me my whole future, but I also can’t seem to stay away.”
He is being truthful. I don’t know how to take the information. “Why would you think I would cost you your future?”
“You’re from the swamps and don’t have good breeding.” He says this so simply, like it’s a fact of life and not an insult, but it still cuts deep. What he is saying is true. I don’t have the high privilege like the rest of the people here.
“Well, than leave me alone.” I move away from him, but he grabs my arm.
“It’s the truth, Brinley, and it sucks. We were taught all our lives to never be with someone like you. To change something that has been ingrained takes time. Would you give us time?”
I pause, thinking about it. I waited forever to hear anything even remotely romantic come out of Blaise’s mouth and it turns out, the moment he got to Skystead Prep, he ditched me for a Skystead female. One with good breeding and better prospects.
When I got to this school, the three kings here decided they hated me right away. They constantly remind me that I am from the swamps, and therefore beneath them.
Then Rem decided I was good enough to kiss in secret, and Kingston, well, he took advantage, but the sad thing about it was that I would have given it to him freely. I have something that I like about each of them, but I don’t know if it would be enough to erase past hurts, or risk my heart.
Hector felt right, he made me feel butterflies with the simplest of words. I know he is keeping things from me, but strangely enough, I seem to be okay with that, and I don’t know if it is because I feel more toward him.
“I don’t know, Rem.” I look at him and attempt a soft smile, but he smirks at me, making me pause. “What?”
“You called me Rem and not Remington. I think that there is hope for us.” He leans in and pulls me back to him, kissing me on the forehead. “Time for class.” He walks to the door and pauses. “I will go first, and you come out in a minute.” He smiles again and leaves, missing the glare I sent to his back.
They want me but he just proved that he wouldn’t want anyone to know what we were doing in the classroom together. He doesn’t want to be associated with me. I don’t deserve to be treated like this by anyone.
I feel like I have too much going on right now and it seems like where I wanted just one guy, I now have a total of five that want me. Four of them want me in secret, while one of them wants me the way I want to be wanted, but doesn't want to tell me certain things about himself that he's keeping secret.
Shaking my head, trying to clear my thoughts, I pick up my backpack and head to my first class. I shouldn't be worried about what's happening around me right now because school is still my ticket out of here whether I end up leaving the swamps myself or with one of them.
Or all of them. That is something I don't want my mind to think about. I can turn my mind to my mother. I wonder if there's a way that I can try to get her to tell me anything about the baby she gave up or if there's a way that I can steal her DNA and put it into a system.
I have a brother out there somewhere, one that she loved more than me. I wonder what he experienced with her for the short time he was with her, but that also makes me think about her reason for giving him up, but decided to keep me when she doesn't even love me.
Mr. Brooks is my first class of the day and right now, I'm so grateful that he is. He always has a warm smile for me and always gives writing prompts that keep my mind moving rapidly.
Taking my normal seat next to Remington, I choose to ignore him and focus on the class filling up and gathering my stuff on my desk that is needed. I've gotten in the habit of using a notebook to write little notes as I add it to my prompt for the day from Mr. Brooks.
He has mentioned more than once that he likes how creative I am and that he likes to see that I plan what I'm going to say in my chicken scratch notes before adding it to the final document. Once everyone is in the class and everything is settled, Mr. Brooks comes in and of course, his eyes find mine immediately and he gives me a smile.
“Yo, swamp rat, I'm starting to think you're fucking the teacher.” Remington snarls into my ear.
I block him out and focus on Mr. Brooks as he starts writing the prompt on the board. “Today, class, the prompt will be.” He moves away from the board and my heart seems to stutter as I read it. “How do you define love, what do you expect in that love you define? Tell me about your love. Every person has their own version of love and what would be allowed in their version of love, so for today, I want you to tell me yours.”
I was just thinking about this, and honestly, I have no idea what I'm going to write. This is the first one that stumped me completely. I've loved Blaise since as long as I can remember, but this version of him, I don't know if I could. He's asking me to trust him. Asking me to give him time so he could tell me what this is about, but every time I see his lips pressed against hers, my heart breaks a little bit.
The three sky kings seemed to have an infatuation with me and want something from me, but try to hide me. Then, there's Hector which is not even his real name. He openly loves me and wants to be with me but he's trying to hide something. So, I don't even know what my version of love is or what is expected from me from those who want to be with me.
A tap on my shoulder has me looking up, Mr. Brooks is smiling down at me. “Well, Brinley, I think I stumped you.”
I smile up at him. “I think you did. I don't know how I would define my love or what I feel would be the definition of my love.”
“Well, try your hardest and we'll see what you come up with.” Mr. Brooks moves off and I look back down at my sketchpad, starting to put some ideas down, basic ones about no abuse, no cheating, and no lying.
Chapter Eighteen
“The dance is coming up soon. Are you excited?” Haven sits on my bed, watching me put away my clothing. I look over at her with a look on my face that I know expresses how much I am not looking forward to the dance. “Oh, come on, dancing in gowns like a princess isn’t your thing?”
“No.” I don’t elaborate because really that was never something I dreamed about as a kid. Sure, I dreamed about life across the tracks, but did I actually ever think that it would happen for me? Absolutely not. Mostly, I just dreamed of freedom, and I want it to eventually provide for myself and live comfortably.
I always dreamed of having kids one day and being a better parent than my mother could ever hope to be. I don't know why she's like this, but I have a feeling that drugs are a big part of it. The sooner I get my diploma here, the quicker I can move on to better and bigger things.
