“Didn’t know what, honey?”
“I didn’t know he was married. That he had a family. He didn’t tell me, he didn’t wear a ring, nothing. I was such a fool. I just thought if we were having a relationship, he was single. He was standing in front of me with his wife and two children, and I was wondering how I was going to tell him I was pregnant.”
Ham felt a wave of anger hit him. If he ever found the man, he’d kill him for what he’d done.
“I just got so angry. It was like everything was bubbling to the surface, and then I killed them.”
“Honey, how could you possibly kill your babies.”
“I said it. I told him I wished I wasn’t pregnant with his stupid baby, and then I left. By the time I got to work, I was bleeding. I killed them with my thoughts. There were two, Ham. I was having twins.”
“Sadie, honey, I’m so sorry you had to go through that without anyone to help you. I’m so fucking sorry. But hear me, honey. You didn’t kill your babies. You couldn’t do that with just a suggestion. I’m going to guess that the stress caused a spontaneous miscarriage. We had a teammate whose wife suffered the same.”
“Really?” she asked, staring at him. Her eyes were rimmed in red, her nose glowing a bright pink from crying.
“I think you should let Gray examine you, but I would have to bet that’s what happened. You did nothing to yourself, Sadie. You can’t just wish babies away,” he grinned. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“I’ve been so awful to everyone, Ham. I was horrible to you. I was horrible to my brothers. Now they’re back out there with their team, and what if something happens to them? I didn’t get to say I’m sorry or say goodbye.”
“Your brothers will be home for the holiday, don’t worry about that. And you weren’t horrible to me,” he grinned. “Although I did see a lot of you that I didn’t plan on.”
“Was it awful?” she frowned.
“Sadie, there is nothing about you that I find awful. Nothing. Provost did something to you that caused you to not be yourself. Yet, when you were tempted to call her, you didn’t. You had enough of you left inside that you fought it.”
She nodded, snuggling against his chest once more. He desperately needed to take a piss, but he damn sure wasn’t going to move from this bed.
“It’s Thanksgiving,” he said quietly. “They’ll be expecting us.”
“I don’t know if I can,” she said quietly.
“I’ll be with you the entire time. You and me.” Sadie nodded, then pushed back the covers and stood from the bed.
“I need to shower and change,” she said. “Can I meet you downstairs in thirty minutes?”
Ham nodded and went to his room to do the same. When she walked down the steps dressed in a pretty navy-blue sweater dress, he could only smile.
“You look beautiful,” he said. Her face was still pale, her eyes too big for her face, with big purple circles below them. It dawned on him that she may have lost weight in the last few weeks, and he needed to put a few pounds on her again.
Cold, with a bitter wind hitting their faces, they drove the boat to Belle Fleur. The cafeteria was packed with people, all laughing and enjoying the holiday.
“I just need a minute, Ham.” He nodded, walking inside to speak with Wes and Angel.
Dylan saw Ham bring Sadie over on the boat and watched as she spoke quietly to several people, even apologizing to Luke and others. Before dinner was served, she walked out to the gardens and sat, just staring. Dylan could feel her pain, and it was killing her.
“Mind if I sit with you?” she asked.
“Oh, hello, Dylan. No, I don’t mind. Do I owe you an apology as well?” she frowned.
“You don’t owe me anything. I was just worried about you. How are you?” Sadie shrugged her shoulders, then wiped her eyes.
“I can’t seem to stop crying, which I’m sure is driving Ham crazy.”
“Ham seems to have taken on the role as your guardian in full spirit. Others have offered to give him some relief, but he refuses,” smiled Dylan.
“He did? Why would he do that?” she asked.
“Why?” smiled Dylan. “Because he cares about you, Sadie. He cares what happens to you, and he likes you. You can see that very clearly when he’s looking at you.”
