“Did anyone else come over after June and I went upstairs?”
“No, but look at this.” I pull out my phone, unlock it and pass it to Hannah. “I have twenty-two missed calls and over fifty text messages.”
“Why haven’t you looked at any of them?”
I shrug. “I didn’t want to ruin my good mood. Things are going to get more intense as the season progresses. The pressure to win is only going to increase on all sides. I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to handle it. Last year there wasn’t the expectation of winning like this year.”
Hannah sits up, looking me in the eye. “You are strong enough, and you have an excellent support system. You have me and Jack, and Tyler. Plus, all your friends and football buddies will always have your back.”
“Thank you for saying that.” I don’t know how to tell Hannah that I feel strong when I’m with her. Knowing she has my back and is in my corner steadies me and makes me feel whole.
“It would help if you decided on a college.”
“I have. Well, I thought I had until a couple of weeks ago.”
“What? Really?” Hannah’s voice hitches with surprise.
“All last year and most of the summer, I’ve wanted to play for the University of Washington, but a couple of weeks ago, I got a letter from Sutherland University saying they were interested. On Wednesday, they got in touch saying they were coming to see me play and meet with me.”
“When?”
“I’m not sure. They told me by the end of September.”
“Ford, that’s awesome. I’d love to go to an ivy league college.”
“Hannah, you’re going to be valedictorian. You’ll get into any school you apply to.”
“Maybe that doesn’t mean I can afford to go.”
“Where are you planning to apply?”
Hannah bites her lip, thinking. “I haven’t decided. All the places I want to go have low acceptance rates. Even the University of Washington’s acceptance rate is down. I keep thinking that I want to stay close to my family. I don’t want to miss Hank and Scotty growing up. But then I think how great it would be to go somewhere like Stanford, Yale, even Sara Lawrence.”
“Where would you go if the cost wasn’t a factor?” I think I know the answer, but I want to hear her say it.
“I’ve always wanted to go to Sutherland University. They have one of the top contemporary dance programs in the nation.”
“I knew you were going to say that,” I whisper. “If that’s where you want to go, you should at least try.”
“It seems impossible now. I haven’t danced for an entire year. And is dance what I want for my career? I’ve worked so hard for my grades. I don’t know what I want to make out of my life. Do I want to be a doctor? Or a lawyer like my dad. Sometimes, I think I want to be a teacher. What about you? What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“I’ve known what I want to do for a long time.”
Hannah scoots closer to me. “How do I not know?”
I grab her, pulling her onto my lap. “I’ve never said it out loud.”
“Why?” Hannah cups a hand around my cheek, bringing my face down so I’m looking at her in the eye.
“I’m afraid if I do, everything I’ve ever wanted will crumble into pieces.”
Hannah shifts on my lap, so she is straddling me. She looks me in the eye. “You have the strongest will of anyone I’ve ever known. If you want something enough, you persevere until it’s yours.”
I close my eyes, trying to even out my breathing. My heart’s erratic in my chest. “I lost you.” My voice shakes, and my eyes sting.
“Oh, Ford. That’s not true.” Hannah’s lips graze mine. “We will get there. Just give us time.”
I wrap my arms around her, holding her close. She doesn’t understand how far I’ve fallen for her. In weak moments, I feel like I should give her up now. It will hurt less, but that’s not true. Hannah has my heart, and once you give it away, you never get it back. No matter how much you try.
