I couldn’t.
I did, however, force Holden to call his mom and tell her we’ll be bringing dessert, and then I went to the cold room in the diner’s kitchen and grabbed an entire pecan pie. I added it to the list of products I bring home from the diner that Zekeswearshe takes out of my wage.
I highly doubt he does.
We have dinner with Holden’s mom—my first decent home-cooked meal in a while—and we discuss school and work and life. We don’t go deeper than surface-level chatter, and we don’t discussdeath. But, when his mom brings up our future, mainly college, Holden shuts it down real fast.
Now, I’m dripping wet, just out of the shower with the towel wrapped around me, and I’m peeking into Holden’s room, hoping to get a yes to my question. He isn’t there, and so I grab my phone from the counter, my thumbs leaving rivulets of water in their wake as I send him a text.
Jamie:Can I have a bath?
I’d noticed the corner bath the first time I was here, and I’d wanted so badly to fill it, soak in it, maybe even cry tears of joy in it.
Holden:Go for it.
I don’t even wait until the bath is semi-filled. I sit in the tub with my legs crossed, my hand under the stream as water cascades below me. I push aside thoughts of Gina, of tainted, murky water, and trembling bones caused by fear and shame.
When I feel as if the water’s enough to cover half my body, I lie down, inhale deeply, and I then close my eyes. They’re not closed long before they snap open at the sound of the bathroom door opening. Holden strides in, not a care in the world.
Iscreech, and he rolls his eyes. “Relax, Regina. I’ve seen it all before.” He’s cradling his arms, and I don’t realize what he’s doing until he dumps a bunch of candles on the bathroom counter. “Ambience,” he says, sparking a lighter to life. He picks up a candle, lights it, and then sets it beside the tap. I silently watch as he lights each one, and when he’s done, he flicks off the light and turns to me, saying, “I’ll be back.” No more than a minute later, he returns with a small step stool and makes a home for himself right beside the tub. “Hi.”
The candles cast a dim glow across his features—nothing but striking lines and bold angles. I wonder how he sees me—too exposed? Too vulnerable? “The candles are a nice touch,” I say, nervous energy pumping through my veins. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to get in my pants.”
With a smirk, he says, “Who says I’m not?”
“Yeah, about that…”
He quirks an eyebrow.
“I was just thinking that maybe… maybe we can put a pause on the whole sex thing? Just until—”
“Okay.” He’s too quick to cut in, and now I’m suspicious.
“Okay?” I ask, and he nods. “Just…okay?”
“Yeah, Jamie. If that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do.” He dips his hand in the water but doesn’t touch me. “I have to say, though, it’s incredibly cruel of you to say this while you’re naked.”
“Hold on.” I sit up slightly. “You don’t even want to know why?”
He shrugs, his gaze dipping to my breasts before meeting my eyes. “If I recall, sex for me isfun, and sex for you has to mean something, right?”
My eyes widen, and I jerk up, splashing water all around me. “You remember that?”
Lips curled, he says, “Yes, I remember, and you don’t need to give me your reasons. Besides, telling someone how you feel shouldn’t lead to an argument.”
Who is he right now?“That’s… true.”
“Mia—she always says thatNois a complete answer, and you don’t need to justify it.”
“I like Mia,” I say through a smile.
He smiles back. “Anyway,” he says, removing his hand from the water and flicking droplets on my face, “I was thinking about the whole you and Bethany thing.”
I groan, roll to my side, and grip the edge of the tub.
“If it bothers you so much, why not just, like, drop out of school? You can still homeschool and get your diploma.”
“I could,” I sigh out. “But that would take away from one of the many reasons I enrolled in the first place.”
