Page 7 of Specter
Without warning, Noah started tugging at Duke’s clothes, trying to tear open his shirt. “He shot you. Your blood soaked my clothes. Show me what he did. I need to know.”
Duke covered Noah’s hands, stopping him. “Please stop.”
Noah went still. His eyes filled with tears. “He hurt you. I have to see. I have to fix it.” He visibly swallowed, looking lost. “I need to kiss it and make it better the way no one ever did for me.”
Duke’s eyes fell closed. He couldn’t deny Noah a single thing, even this. While holding Noah’s waist, Duke stood. He carried Noah to the bed and set him on the mattress. Noah shifted to his knees as Duke’s hands moved to his tie. With every article of clothing that disappeared, Noah leaned closer, and Duke’s heart beat a little faster. He was already fifteen years older than Noah. It used to not matter. Ranch work had kept him fit. Noah had loved to stare at Duke’s nude body, making him feel like a king. Things were different now.
“I’m not the same.”
Noah held his stare. “You could’ve rolled into this house as a head on a unicycle and I wouldn’t see or want anyone else. I fell in love with you. Not your body.”
Noah had moments where he was almost otherworldly. It was like trauma left him decades wiser than Duke would ever be. Duke had forgotten the way Noah left him humbled by the purity of his love. He peeled off his shirt.
Noah leaped from the bed.
Duke held out a hand, stopping him. He had to completely strip before he lost his nerve. Duke moved back to the chair and took off his shoes and socks. Then he stood and peeled away the bottom half of his clothes.
Noah covered his mouth. Tears slipped down his cheeks.
Duke couldn’t stand the silence. “That’s why you were covered in my blood. The first shot took off my leg.” The scars on his chest and side were merely spray from the buckshot. But the first blast had hit its mark and taken Duke’s leg below the knee. He had gotten fairly used to his prosthetic, but not completely. Duke still suffered from phantom pains and muscle spasms. As much as he had prayed to have Noah back, it hurt to expose himself like this. He didn’t know if he could for anyone else. No one else mattered to him this much. If Noah didn’t accept him, Duke wouldn’t move on. Noah was it for him.
Many times, over the years, Noah had wondered if a person could die from heartache. More times and hours than he could count, he had wished the pain would kill him so the suffering would stop. He had wanted to join Duke on the other side. Seeing the carnage his love had wrought nearly broke him. It was the ultimate heartache. His feet moved even as his gaze refused to budge from the scars. Without a plan, Noah crossed the room. His fingers skimmed the small white scars littering Duke’s torso. Then his gaze lifted, and he stared into the most beautiful dark blue eyes. Eyes that screamed fear of rejection. Never. He would never turn away from Duke.
“You’re so beautiful. I’ve missed being beneath you more than words can say.” He touched Duke’s chest. “I’ve dreamed of this chest.” Noah kissed his collarbone. “Prayed to have it back as my pillow.”
When Noah had been small, and his father had been alive, Noah had always felt safe and happy. Then his father had died, and his mom became an addict and married the first scumbag who would let her stay high all the time. Noah hadn’t known safety any longer. Those days of footed pajamas and playing with his toy cars had disappeared into memories that helped keep him alive. Then this man had come along. He had loved Noah and brought him back to the land of the living. Duke had given him new memories. Noah had felt safe and happy again in Duke’s arms. He had lost that when he thought Duke died and now Noah would never let Duke get away. Noah wouldn’t let any amount of scarring or past trauma come between them. Duke was perfect. He loved Noah flawlessly.
Noah’s lips moved to one of the small scars on Duke’s chest. His tongue shot out, and he traced the indention. Duke’s cock stirred between them. The air thickened. Noah’s fingertips found Duke’s nipple. He stroked. Noah heard Duke’s breath catch. Power surged inside him. That was something else Duke gave to him. He filled Noah with strength. Whereas everyone else had always made Noah feel weak, Duke lifted him, making him stand taller and embrace his might. He could bring this powerful man to his knees. It was intoxicating.
“My dreams aren’t always sad,” Noah confessed as he continued exploring Duke’s chest. “Some of them leave me panting and sweating.”
“I have those too.” Duke’s voice sounded gravelly. Noah lost the battle against his smile. Duke cupped Noah’s jaw and forced him to meet Duke’s gaze. Duke’s eyes burned with lust. “Your life will be perfect.”
“I know.” Noah had never said two words with more confidence. There was no one he believed in more.
“You’re marrying me.”
Noah smiled. “I know.”
Duke gave him a sharp nod. “Good. It’s time for bed.”
While holding Duke’s stare, Noah peeled off his pajamas. “You should get in first.”
Something flickered in Duke’s eyes. An insecurity that didn’t use to exist. “I’ll have to remove my prosthetic. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Noah didn’t break eye contact. “Please believe in me the way I’ve always believed in you.”
With a nod, Duke moved to the bed and sat. Noah watched as he removed the prosthetic. Without meeting Noah’s gaze, he settled on his back and stared at the ceiling. Noah couldn’t let this discomfort stand. He knew it would take time for Duke to relax over this change. Noah wasn’t going anywhere. The love of his life was alive. After a year of believing he was dead, Duke was here. Nothing else mattered. Plus, Noah hadn’t lost an ounce of desire. He still burned every bit as hot for Duke as he had since the first time Duke held him.
Noah stripped off his underwear. Duke still didn’t look his way. Noah fought a growl. He opened the bedside table where he kept his toys and found the lube. Even as Noah lubed his asshole, Duke stared at the ceiling. That hurt a little. Terrible thoughts creeped in. Maybe it wasn’t Duke’s newfound insecurity keeping him from looking at Noah’s body. Maybe Duke was disgusted by what he had learned about Noah from Ted.
Noah tossed the lube back in the drawer and slammed it closed. “Never mind. I should take a shower.”
Duke finally looked his way. There was a deep line between his eyebrows. Noah massaged his arm and tried not to shift from foot to foot. He hated this. The dark thoughts consumed him without his permission. A tear slid down his cheek.
“What’s wrong?”
Noah lost the battle. He shifted nervously, practically dancing in place. “You don’t want me. You won’t even look at me. I knew—if you ever found out about Ted—you wouldn’t want me anymore. I knew you would think I was dirty.”
