Page 32 of Into the Light
What the fuck? How the hell did he know that’s what I was thinking about? My face must have betrayed my thoughts because he just laughed.
“You’re not as hard to read as some people think.” He slapped me on the back and walked back to the cockpit.
I didn’t know if I believed in signs, but if I did, this might be one. And I’d be stupid to ignore it. Not when Ellie was the goal.
sixteen
ELLIE
Still on thelookout for any creepy men hanging about, I spent the next evening after work walking down to the local outdoor supply store to stock up on safety items. I closed up earlier than usual so I could walk there and back before it got dark. I’d seen with my own friends and family just how quickly a threat could turn into real danger. I wasn’t taking any chances.
I grabbed a pepper spray keychain, a door stopper alarm, and a necklace that had GPS and a hidden whistle in it. The clerk told me to test it at home because it was so loud, I’d scare people if I did it here. That sold me on it.
As I walked out the door, I turned my head back to thank him, which was a mistake, as I quite literally ran into Derek. We bumped into each other, I yelped, and he grabbed me by the shoulders to settle me.
“Woah Ellie! Are you okay?”
“Derek, hi. Yes, I’m fine, sorry. I didn’t see you there.” I backed out of his grasp, which wasn’t strong, but left me feeling uneasy nonetheless. I guess I was even more spooked by that guy last night than I thought.
“My fault, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“No worries, it happens. Are you doing some shopping?” He looked down at the bag in my hand. I don’t know why, but I slid it behind me, out of view.
“Yeah, just heading home now though.” I started walking, and he fell into step next to me.
“Maybe we could grab dinner? You kind of disappeared the other night at the party. I was hoping to spend some time with you.”
“Ah, I’m sorry about that. And I appreciate the offer, but I think I’m just going to go home and read my book.”
I had to bite my tongue from giving an excuse, or another apology. I reminded myself how I told Derek before that I didn’t know if I wanted to pursue a relationship. That we could try to be friends and see what happened. The people pleaser part of me felt strained. But I held my ground.
He nodded in understanding, and said “maybe another time.”
“Yeah, maybe. I’ll see you around,” I said, hurrying home as the sun set.
* * *
Back at the apartment, my tea kettle whistled and I turned off the flame on my tiny two-burner stove. I poured the water over a bag of chamomile. Sara would balk at it, but I didn’t have the funds for loose leaf.
As I bobbed the tea bag in and out of the water, I thought about Derek and how wrong it felt to be with him. Not bad, exactly. Just, wrong. And then I thought about Raf, and how even though he insisted we weren’t meant to be, itfeltso right every time we were close. The way he looked at me, the way he touched me the other night. I was on fire just thinking about it.
Why did it have to feel so right? And why did he keep giving me mixed signals?
I knew Derek wanted more with me, but I didn’t know what to do about that. I liked him. And if my mind wasn’t so occupied by Raf, I thought I would be able to really explore something with him. But no matter how hard I tried to move on, Raf was there at the center of everything. Every time.
I took my tea into the living room and settled on the sofa. I’d planned to watch a movie before reading, but my mind needed stimulation, so I grabbed my kindle and picked one of the new romance releases I was excited for. Not even two minutes later, my doorbell rang, startling me.
I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I went to the buzzer and pressed the call button.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.” Raf’s deep voice filled the apartment through the little speaker.
“What are you doing here?” I don’t know why I asked this. Normally I just buzzed him up, but things were weird with him right now, and I was confused. I rested my head against the wall, and traced my finger along the edge of the beige speaker.
“We need to talk.”
“We’ve been doing a lot of that lately and nothing good has come from it.” The words were true, but the moment I said them, regret boiled inside me.
