“But I did,” I say, not knowing what else to do. I see her pain, her hurt, and none of it is directed at me. I might as well be another phantom in her eyes. I died, but then I didn’t. I appeared, but I’m not the same.
Nothing is and nothing ever will be again.
“Kai, we can get through this. I can help you,” I plead.
When we were children, Kai was always the beautiful, vibrant older sister. I was the one who was troublesome, the one filled with anger and always getting beat for some foolish trick or another. Now, here we stand on opposite sides. The magic in my veins makes me glow, and my monsters bring me happiness, but Kai stands before me as a shell of her former self. I don’t know how to reach her, but I know I have to try. Everything I’ve done, everything that led me to this point, was for her. It’s always been my job to protect her.
I failed once, and I won’t do so again.
“The wall is going to fall, Kai. Things will change. I can help you heal…”
She’s not listening to me though. Her eyes are unfocused, fixated on some memory that haunts her. “He would force us to watch him slaughter. I saw one of the concubines, an older one, get brutalized for daring to flinch when he raised his hand.” Her eyes meet mine. “I was her replacement, so I had to take the jewels from her body while she breathed her last breath on the floor. I had to collar myself.”
“Kai—”
“No, Cora,” she spits out. “You were thrown to the monsters and came back leading them.” Her eyes soften. “You were always so great at changing the status quo, but I’m not you. I was given to a monster, but I did not come out the victor. I came out this…this…hollow shell. I’m no longer the sister you left behind.”
“Don’t say that!”
“It’s true,” she chokes out. “You were always meant to be great, Cora.” She releases my face and takes a step back, and I stare at her, aghast. “You sacrificed yourself for me and gave me a chance at happiness, but I was never going to be happy. I wasn’t meant for that.” Another step.
“Kai, what are you saying?” I stumble after her, my hand outstretched, but she recoils from my touch, as if I’m only another monster.
Something inside of me breaks at that, at the way she can’t seem to see through the anguish in her eyes. I thought she was dead before, but now I see it wasn’t like I thought. She hadn’t fallen, the king didn’t slit her throat, but there’s death in her eyes.
“You sacrificed yourself for me,” she repeats, pressing her hand against her chest as she backs up a final step, the backs of her thighs hitting the edge of the wall. “I won’t let you sacrifice your happiness for me again. I’m not me any longer. The king killed who I was. You were too late. I’m just another ghost to haunt these walls.”
“Kai—”
“You were too late,” she rasps out again. “I love you, baby sister. I always will.”
Then, before I can understand what she’s doing, before it makes sense in my mind, before I can stop her, Kai tips backwards. Everything slows as I watch her close her eyes and lean back, as her strands of hair go wild in the wind. I’m screaming, but there’s no sound as I reach forward too slowly. Desperation fills me as I reach the edge and nearly throw myself over to catch her, but strong arms circle me, knowing that I can’t leap off the edge to the rocky river below. Still, the shriek that leaves my throat shreds my vocal cords until I go hoarse with agony. I watch Razcorr leap off the edge again, in slow motion this time, and I know there will be no soft surprise, no fingers gripping the ledge.
She didn’t want to live. She grasped the only choice she’d ever been able to make.
Death.
I collapse when Razcorr reappears, his face solemn and arms empty. Six sets of arms come around me, holding me together so I don’t shatter into a million pieces. I can’t breathe for the utter devastation in my mind.
The world is silent, too silent, for what just happened.
My magic leaks from me in waves as I mourn the death of the sister I tried so very hard to save.
But death comes for us all.
Sometimes, it comes sooner than we’d like.
Sometimes, it comes when we beckon it.
And sometimes, it comes as an escape.
ChapterForty-Nine
My eyes see, but they don’t focus as I’m led through the castle. My feet catch on cobblestones, threatening to send me tumbling across them, so eventually, Bracken lifts me into his arms and cradles me close. Tears flow freely down my face, taking what little pain I have left and spilling them over the castle where she’d been killed, waiting for someone to save her.
I failed Kai. She’s dead because of me.
“Don’t do that,” Bracken chastises softly. When my gaze focuses and I can see his angular face, his eyes soften even further. “It’s not your fault, Goldie.”
