“If we don’t want the same things—” He shook his head. “I honestly don’t think I can handle what that might mean.”
“Just because this is all new, that doesn’t mean I’m not up to the task.” I frowned.
“I don’t want our relationship to be a chore for you.”
I grimaced. “That isn’t what I meant. I’m not expressing myself well.”
As he watched me, I could see the wheels turning. He was scared. Something about us scared him. That made my stomach hurt. Why was he worried? If we loved each other, and I knew we did, why was he afraid? Shouldn’t that be enough?
He exhaled roughly and tugged me against him. “Let’s not do this now. I’m too tired. We don’t need to settle this stuff right now.”
Suddenly, I too was afraid to dig too deep. Instinct screamed at me to back away. Maybe Royce was afraidI couldn’t give him what he needed, but he didn’t want to say that out loud?CouldI give him what he wanted? I definitely wanted to. I wanted to give him all the things a man like him would want in a partner. Deserved in a partner.
Royce is a traditional kind of guy. He’ll want traditional stuff with you.
My stomach twisted as Girdy’s remarks from the other day came to me. Traditional stuff equaled marriage. Kids. He’d never hidden the fact that he hoped to have kids one day. If we stayed together, that would come up. If he had that drive, he wasn’t going to just ignore it forever. He’d yearn to fulfill that instinct.
I tried to picture being a parent, and dread zipped through me. I had absolutely no skills in that department. My own father had been a nightmare, and therefore, I’d had no role model growing up. While I loathed children, I wanted to be with Royce. How did I reconcile those two things? Would it be impossible? Was that why he looked so worried?
Am I a bad fit for Royce?
I felt numb as that horrible thought sank in. Since Royce was the first man I’d ever truly loved, I’d sort of thought love conquered all. But was that naive? Maybe it didn’t matter how much I wanted to be with Royce or how much he seemed to want me. Maybe the things he desired in life didn’t line up with what I desired. I’d fallen so hard for Royce, when we’d talked about the future, it had all been very vague in my mind. Maybe it wasn’t vague in his. Perhaps the deeper he got into this relationship, the more he questioned our long-term compatibility?
“Yeah,” I muttered, giving in to my fear. “We don’t have to talk about that stuff right now.”
His arms tightened. “It’s not like you’re moving out tonight or anything.”
“No. We have plenty of time.” I pressed into him, needing his reassuring heat. “It’ll be okay,” I mumbled. It had to be okay. The idea of not having Royce in my life was unbearable.
He laughed gruffly. “There you go, comforting me again.”
“God knows you’ve done that for me enough times.”
After a few moments, he cleared his throat. “How about we lighten the mood a little? Are you hungry?”
I lifted one shoulder. “Meh.”
“Max, you need to eat,” he rumbled. “How about we have chicken salads from the Crazy Cactus?” He smiled down at me. “Sound good?”
I brightened. “Really?”
“Sure. we can have them delivered.” His gaze was affectionate.
“I do love that salad.”
“I know.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Why do you think I suggested it?” He let go of me. “I’ll call it in.”
“No, go change. I’ll call the order in.”
“You sure?”
I sighed. “Yes. I’ve done almost nothing all day but sleep. I can handle making a phone call.”
“Can you ask for double chicken on mine and extra dressing?”
“Of course.”
He set his almost empty beer on the counter. “Then I’ll go change.”
