“Good girl! That’s right, I’m Ethan. Can I have a high five?” he asks, looking to me for permission. At my nod of acceptance, he holds his hand up and she hits it with her own, squealing with joy and melting everyone’s hearts. It only lasts so long though, before she’s decided to start squirming in my arms.
“Down, mama. Pway,” she says.
“I thought you were hungry. Do you want food first?”
“Yes, pwease. Food.”
“Okay, let’s get up and make a plate. Do you want to share with me?”
“Otay mama,” she giggles.
I mouth a thank you to Ethan and he nods, stands up, and moves to the side to let me up and make us a plate of food.
Once we’ve all settled in at the table, Hadley back in my lap eating off my plate, and my girls on either side of me, I decide to jump into things because the anxiety of not knowing why they’re trying to butter me up has me a little twitchy.
“So, I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me, including making us this giant meal, but why are we here?” I settle myself with a calming breath before continuing. “Damn, that was rude. I’m sorry. I’m just really confused as to why you’re all doing so much for me and my daughter. It’s really sweet, but also not normal. Like, most people don’t go this far out of their way to ensure strangers are happy.”
“I’m going to say this as kindly as I can, so please don’t hate me for it,” Cooper says. “The people you grew up around sound like they suck. We’re small town guys who grew up with a big sense of community and giving back. Furthermore, we all took on careers dedicated to helping people. We might be cocky assholes—” He stops abruptly, cringing as he looks down at Hadley in my lap, regret flashing in his eyes. “Oh, sorry. We might be arrogant alpha males at times, maybe a little too competitive or rowdy when sports or beautiful women are involved, but we were raised to respect women and children first and always. We were raised to protect and provide for them.
“You came here on your own from God knows where and picked the most run down property in the county to move your little girl into. The thing is, I believe you’re capable of fixing that place up yourself. Not only do I think you’d be proficient enough to do so, but I’d put money on the fact that it would become the most beautiful house in all of Texas when you’re finished. Why should you have to though? Why shouldn’t we help when and where we can to speed up the process and make sure your home isn’t only pleasant to look at, but safe for your daughter as well? Don’t get me wrong. If you say no more help, we’ll back off. I don’t think any of us assume you’re a damsel in distress. We just sometimes can’t help it when the caveman in us sees the opportunity to help and provide for someone who deserves a good thing to happen to them.”
I can feel the tears welling up so I push those fuckers right back down. I will not cave to my emotions until much later when I can wash them away in the shower.
“How do you know?”
“How do we know what?” Ethan asks.
“How do you know I deserve good things to happen to me?”
“We don’t.” Jace chimes in.
“No. We sure don’t, but can I let you in on a little secret?” Ethan requests.
“Sure, I guess.” I shrug.
“We’ve all looked evil dead in the eye. We’re trained to notice small details and read people with ease. There’s not a single thing about you that sets off alarms in our heads. You’re talking to a marine, a cop, and a fireman. There’s little people can get by us and no one’s ever gotten anything over on us so while it’s possible that our ‘arrogant alpha-maleness’ has come out, as Coop so strangely put it. Maybe we’re overlooking something minute that leads to you being a serial killer, sure. Somehow, I doubt it though. I think it’s safe to say we’d really just like to offer you a place amongst us in this small community along with our friendship.”
The way he says it, makes it all sound so easy and painless. I wish it were. I wish I could let go of all my irrational hang ups and just live carefree with rose colored glasses on at all times.
“I won’t lie to you guys, that all sounds great, phenomenal even, but not realistic. This isn’t a fairytale and you guys can’t be the knights in shining armor to my little princess. You’re all the most amazingly kind hearted and generous men I’ve ever met and I bet you do your mama’s proud everyday with your optimistic outlooks and friendly gestures. Not to mention the heroic careers you chose that make you even more impressive to society. I cannot thank you enough for all the help you’ve given me…”
“But?” Jace prompts.
“But I have to politely decline any further help. My mind can’t cope with the unrealistic expectations that come with it.”
“We don’t expect anything from you, nor would we ever,” Jace exclaims.
“Let me explain to you how my brain works okay? There are two possible scenarios in which my mind conjures up. First is that you expect more from me than I’m willing or capable of giving. While you say that’s not true, and I’m strangely inclined to believe you despite that being less than normal for me, my mind still holds a shadow of a doubt that you’re all lying to me and I’m putting Hadley and myself in a bad position. The second scenario is that I unintentionally set those expectations for you, which means the bar is set at such a high standard no one else can reach it. It also leaves too much room for you to let me down, or more importantly, let my daughter down.
“I keep our circle small because I grew up in a bad place, surrounded by bad people. These girls next to me and my brother are basically the only family we have. They are the only ones who’ve never hurt us, never broken our trust, and never once let us down. They are the only people Hadley and I count on because the rest of the world has damaged me too significantly to believe in anymore. I’m changing our course and living a healthier, more stable life full of healthy coping mechanisms and more love than my little girl will know what to do with.”
“Isn’t that even more reason to let us show you that you can count on us? I know you’re struggling to break through those walls your mind has built up to protect you from the hurt of your past. I can see it. I canfeelit. I’ve lived through similar things myself after my last tour. These guys saved my life. I’m begging you to let us help you thrive in yours.” Jace pleads, and I can see it in all of them—the desire to help me move on from my past and the determination to be what no one’s ever been for me outside of Niko, Demi, and Tate.
“Damn girl, good luck saying no to that.” Tate breathes, and there’s no other response I can give her that comes to mind.
“I can’t.”
Twenty-Seven
