But couldn’t he at least make it look like he was as miserable as I was?
Couldn’t he look a little rumpled in the mornings at breakfast—like he didn’t have the energy to comb his hair properly or had bags under his eyes because he hadn’t been able to sleep?
Couldn’t he pretend like he was unable to eat more than a few bites at each meal because his nervous system was so messed up from the heartbreak that it made his stomach a jumble of nerves any time he saw or thought about me?
Couldn’t he look like this was at least half as hard for him as it was for me?
I mean, I knew I was the one who’d had to draw the line in the sand and make the hard choice to do what was best for myself in the grand scheme of things.
But couldn’t he be pining for me, just a little?
Show just an ounce of suffering?
But no, he was all smiles whenever I looked at him, and I was the one left wondering if I could have said or done anything differently to have kept him in The Fold.
Why hadn’t I said something sooner? Why hadn’t I done something the first time he missed church?
If I’d made him feel more needed and like he made the church a better place, would he have come back? People liked to be valued, and maybe being away at school and only getting his spiritual bucket filled through online sermons hadn’t been enough for him.
Maybe he’d needed the in-person connection to stay strong.
While he said he made his choice based on some research that he did, maybe if he’d felt more valued, he never would have had motive to start looking for reasons to leave in the first place.
24
HUNTER
I was ridinghome on the bus after a playoff game on Wednesday when Mack and Carter asked me what was going on with Scarlett and me.
“Things have been weird the past two weeks,” Mack said from his seat across the aisle from me. “You’re usually joined at the hip. But Cambrielle and I have noticed that you two have been sitting at opposite ends of the lunch table and barely talking during any of the classes we have together.”
“I’ve noticed that, too,” Carter added from the seat in front of me. “And she’s been skipping study sessions to be on her own.”
I figured people would notice things were off.
It was just like last May all over again.
Only worse since there was no hope of a future this time.
“We’re just going in different directions.” I shrugged.
“Does it have anything to do with you breaking up last year?” Carter asked. “Has it just been too hard to get back to normal?”
“It’s been tricky,” I said. “But that’s not it. We were good for a while again. And we actually went on a date on President’s Day weekend.”
“You did?” Mack’s dark eyes went wide.
“Yeah,” I said. “I was going to tell you guys about it. But…” I drifted off, hating that I had to say the next part because I hated that it was real. “She found out I don’t plan on returning to church, and because of that, she decided she needed space.”
“So she’s not allowed to date someone who isn’t a member of her church?” Mack frowned, confused.
“Kind of,” I said. “Mixed-faith relationships can be tough in general—but they’re nearly impossible in high-demand religions. When you believe that families can only be together if they’re blessed by the High Priest, and the husband and wife and children remainworthyaccording to The Fold’s standards…” I did air quotes on the wordworthysince it was such a loaded word for me now. “So me already choosing to step away, with Scarlett and her father thinking it’s important for her to end up with someone who stays in, causes issues.”
“And here I thought secretly dating my best friend’s sister had been complicated,” Mack said, running a hand over his black curly hair. “I knew things were more strict for you guys and that there were more rules. But I didn’t realize just how deeply they affected all of your choices.”
“Being part of The Fold is a way of life,” I said. “If you’re a true believer—someone who literally believes the High Priest speaks to and for God—you can’t help but feel like you need to do everything he says in order to be saved from eternal torment after this life.”
“Saved from eternal torment?” Carter asked, his blond eyebrows knitting together. “So, since Mack and I don’t believe, does that mean we’re, like, doomed in their mind?”
