“I know.”
I nodded my head and went upstairs without saying anything else, fighting hard to keep my emotions under check. I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone, so I found myself packing outfits for every season also because I hadn’t been back home in a long time, so I didn’t know what to expect out of the weather.
I threw sweaters, dresses, tank tops, and anything else I could grab into my suitcase, preparing to go back home. Once, I finished packing up the suitcases, I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My jaw dropped when I realized how much of a mess I looked. My face was already red and puffy, and my nose was still running.
In an attempt to calm myself down, I ran a hot shower and got into it. Steam, for some reason, always made me feel better, and it gave my sinuses some much needed heat and air. When I got out, I wrapped a towel around my body and decided against makeup, considering I would probably cry again. I didn’t feel like dealing with my hair, so it went up in a loose ponytail.
When I was back in my room, I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a casual shirt and stepped into some tennis shoes. I tried to find an airplane ticket but failed because the earliest flight wasn’t for another two days. I was going to be forced to make that ten-hour drive.
But anything was worth it for my mother. I would just have to remember to fill up fairly often so that I didn’t run out of gas. Once finished, I took everything and went downstairs to find that Ezra and Paige still were at the house. I thought that they would be at the park by now.
“Why can’t Quinn come with us?” I stopped on the staircase, as I heard Paige’s voice. “I really wanted her to come to the park with us.”
“She has things to do, baby,” Ezra attempted to explain to her, but she was full of so many questions, ones that he was trying hard not to explain, in an effort not to make her sad.
I continued walking down the stairs and only stopped when Ezra put a hand on my shoulder before I could walk out of the front door. He managed to keep Paige in the kitchen, which I knew was a harder task than that met the eye.
“Is there anything that I can get you before you leave?” he asked me, and I could tell that he was being genuine. He really did want to help if he could.
All I could do was stare at him, as I thought about how our relationship had changed this last month. And the more I looked into those big blue eyes, the more that I knew that there was only one thing that I wanted from him, only one thing that he could do for me.
I leaned up and kissed him.
I didn’t know what I was looking for or trying to accomplish. All I had known was that somehow, someway, kissing him was going to make me feel better. I proved myself right when he kissed me back.
11
Ezra
Why was I missing Quinn so much? She had only been gone for two weeks. I shouldn’t have cared enough about her to mind her absence, yet I did. It was driving me insane, not just my worry about her, but the fact that I cared. A good majority of my day was spent wondering if she was okay and how her mother was doing.
And the worst part was the fact that I wished that she was here with me or that I could be with her to support her because I knew that she didn’t have anyone else. I wondered how lonely she felt and what thoughts were going through her mind. I hadn’t cared this much about a woman since my late wife.
How weird was all of this? Quinn was the woman that I wanted so badly to forget about, yet she had imprinted my mind so strongly that I couldn’t get her out of it, regardless of how hard I tried. What was it about her that made me lose my mind, that made me push away all of my inhibitions?
Not to mention that kiss that we had shared before she left. She had surprised me. Her lips against mine were quick, and she knew exactly what she wanted. Even though I knew I should not have kissed her back, I couldn’t stop myself.
I was kissing her back and holding her against my body before she pulled away and left. When she left, I knew that it shouldn’t have happened, that it complicated our relationship even more than it already was.
Why was this happening to me? I was so attracted to her that it was ridiculous, that it could easily occupy my mind for hours, on end. And they weren’t just sexual thoughts. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life. Yes, I wanted to fuck her, but I also wanted to make love to her. I wanted to kiss her every day, several times a day. I wanted to please her and hug her and wake up to her beautiful face every morning.
Was there something wrong with me? Was I finally losing my mind?
Briefly, I remembered how I used to be, what I used to feel when I was in love with my late wife. And some of those feelings were being mirrored to me. I was beginning to experience them again with Quinn. I knew that I shouldn’t, that I couldn’t be in love with her. And to be fair, I didn’t think I knew her well enough for me to be in love.
But I definitely cared about her way more than I should. Way more than an employer should care about their employee. And that wasn’t something that I was okay with. I didn’t want to care for anyone other than my daughter.
After I finished dressing, I went downstairs and saw Ginny, our substitute nanny, setting the table. She wasn’t really like Quinn, and one way was because she preferred not to eat with us, for whatever reason. I never asked her exactly why it was a problem to her.
“Good morning, sir,” she greeted me with a very kind smile. She was older than Quinn. She was in her forties, and her brown hair was showing signs of white. Her skin was beginning to wrinkle, and she wore far more makeup than she needed. She did her job well and was incredibly professional, which was exactly what we needed.
“You don’t have to call me sir,” I reminded her for the umpteenth time, and she simply nodded me off.
“That’s my preference.”
Ginny reminded me what this relationship was supposed to be like. Quinn and I were so unprofessional that I hadn’t even noticed until I had hired someone else. And I was just now realizing how much of a potential problem that was.
To say that Quinn and I were getting too close was an understatement. We needed some serious distance between the two of us. Lately, all I had wanted was her, to be with her, and even I had to admit that I’d noticed the changes in our relationship, that I’d noticed our budding friendship.
