CHAPTER1
Charity
The night air chills my skin, goosebumps rising on my exposed arms. I don’t even bother rubbing them. I don’t care. I haven’t cared about anything for three long years. Three years of self-imposed solitude and pain. Nothing means anything anymore. Nothing but the unending void of darkness that fills my soul. Darker than the darkest pits of hell.
I push the thoughts to the back of my mind and focus on the darkness of the alley I’m walking through. I shouldn’t be walking home but the cool night air beckons me. It feels home to me now. The darkness is where my soul dwells. I can’t seem to feel anything at all except pain. Not even fear. Who the hell cares if someone murders me in the dark? I’ll finally find my way home. Find an ease to the never-ending void of pain. An end to the torture that is my life.
Stepping softly and lightly, I move deeper into the peace of the night. My mind drifts into darker waters but I pull it back. I don’t need to think about the past. It’s always there. A dark, empty void that sucks at my aching heart and soul.
My head jerks when I hear something shift in the dark. My eyes peer through the gloom, looking for the reason for the noise. It sounded like a little pebble shifting loose and rolling. Like a shoe scraping at the dirt of the alley.
A shiver tracks along my skin but I still don’t feel the fear I should. I don’t care what happens to me. So I die. Truth to tell, I died a long time ago.
Self-preservation is a funny thing though. I don’t care but yet my senses stay attuned to the shifting shadows in the dark. To the crazy desire to run, to escape. A thumping, pounding heart and dry mouth. Shivers of something dancing along my skin. Not fear. Never that.
But there’s something wild trying to push its way to the forefront of my mind. Some feral part of me that acknowledges that this is stupid. That I shouldn’t keep walking down that dark alley alone.
I back away, my hand coming up to my throat, feeling it tighten.
A shadow shifts ahead of me and I squeak in terror as three men move closer to me. Dark eyes focused on me, never blinking. One reaches into his pocket and pulls out a knife and my heart slams into my ribs, fluttering wildly.
“Come here, little one,” he croons softly and I whimper. My feet move backwards automatically. One step from me, one step from them. Matching steps in a dance that I know will lead to something bad. Something final that I can’t escape from. Something I’ve almost been asking for.
I gulp and my breath stutters in my chest. My eyes stay focused on that knife, the evil glint of steel in the dark shadows reminding me that I’m in a lot of trouble. That if I just let them come closer, all my pain will end.
But I just can’t. My soul may be so black that it feels like I’ll never crawl my way out of it, but I just can’t give up. It’s wrong. I want to live. Hell, I want to live more than I have been. I want to do all those things I should have been able to do if some other dumb asshole hadn’t stolen the last precious bit of time I had with…
“NO!” I scream, the noise shattering the stillness of the night. Shattering the slow, shuffling steps. I whirl and run to the mouth of the alley, seeking the light, seeking help.
Thudding footsteps follow me, curses ringing out in the quiet. I hear one of them run into something in the alley and trip over it.
“Shit, man. Keep going! Get her! I’m fine!”
I hear the rasping breaths behind me and put on a last glorious rush of speed, falling forward out of the alley. Shaking, I gasp in a shuddering breath and slam to a halt.
Nothing! No one is here. No one but me and them.
I whimper and take off when they stagger to a stop at the mouth of the alley.
Seconds. That all I have before they grunt and run after me. The chase goes on for longer than I want. My limbs tremble and my heart pounds wildly. I can’t see anything but a few feet in front of me. My vision begins to darken and I swear, knowing that my struggles are about to end.
I don’t have anything else to give. I’ve poured everything I’ve got into this last-ditch effort. The tanks are empty. I fall forward and my knees scrape the ground painfully. Whimpering, I huddle in a ball and wait for the last bit of pain I’ll ever feel. Wait for the end.
Seconds pass but it doesn’t come. Instead I hear a grunt and then screams and moans. It feels like I’m hearing it all through a tunnel that sucks all the noise and light away from me.
Muttered curses and then silence as feet shuffle quickly away.
Shivering, I close my eyes, still feeling nausea and darkness tugging at me.
“Hey, Uptown. You all right?” The deep, soft murmur tugs at my heart and I open my eyes, barely able to see in the dim light.
“I’m okay,” I whisper, my shaking words belying my bravado.
A big, warm, calloused hand settles on my arm and I shiver again, a zap of electricity firing to life under my skin.
“Come on, Uptown. Let’s get you back home.” His warm hands slide under my back and knees, lifting me easily in the strongest arms I’ve ever felt. Muscles clench and release as he hefts me lightly.
Warm sapphire eyes lock on my wide brown orbs and he grins. “You still with me, Uptown?”
