Page 98 of The Star's Sword
“Simon can only do so much,” I said.
“You are the Morningstar, Cleo,” Ara said, rising to her full height and glaring at me imperiously. “You once came to convince me of that, and now that I finally sense the power in you to ascend, you’re shrinking away from your destiny. Don’t let the vampires beat you. The girl I know, who descended into hell knowing she’d die if she wasn’t the Morningstar, would never be running away like this.”
“I hate being hated,” I said. “I have always been hated.” I raised my eyes to hers. “I don’t know why.”
“Then let them hate you,” she said. “But live in a way so that those who matter are proud of who you are. Be stronger than the vampires are. Set an example.”
“I’m tired of being strong,” I said. “Always expected to sacrifice, always getting hurt to help others. Always being misunderstood.”
“Something that comes with incredible power and beauty,” Ara said. “Jealousy, hate and spite soon follow. But your sword still matters.”
“My sword?”
“Born from your desire to protect. Imbued with the ability to alter matter at the most elemental level,” Ara said. “The only sword I know of currently that can do that on this planet. Cleo, we need you.”
I looked around my messy room, seeing dirty plates and my clothes strewn around. I felt weak, because I hadn’t been eating enough. My body trembled constantly, because every time I thought about potentially losing Samael, I wanted to throw up.
Sometimes I did throw up.
I’d expected my rise to be hard, but I’d never expected this at the end of it.
Ara grabbed my hands. “I know he screwed up. But don’t waste any more precious time not forgiving him. If I had any more time with my mate, knowing I would lose her?” She closed her eyes. “I would spend every moment forgiving everything she did just to hold her in my arms.”
My throat caught. “Ara.”
She turned away, tears biting her eyes, and it was my turn to pull her into a hug, and hold her.
When she pulled back, her eyes were still teary. “Your rise is everything my mate and I dreamed of. Please don’t give up or her death was in vain.”
I nodded, feeling my heart bond with hers, knowing that I had to learn from her and be strong.
And above all, I had to find Sam, and start taking every minute to let him know I loved him, and that I wouldn’t fail to keep my promise and rise, but that I was also determined to do the impossible.
And find a way for him to live.
33
Iheard talking down the hall, and it sounded like Samael and Zadis, so after Ara left, I composed myself and went to find them.
Sure enough, after I turned one corner, I saw them standing in a corridor, lit by evening sun falling through the stained-glass windows.
Samael’s head was dipped, and he was leaning back against the wall with his arms folded. Zadis was clearly trying to get his interest in something and failing, as Sam gave only quiet, flat responses I couldn’t make out.
I stopped in the hall when they saw me, Sam’s eyes meeting mine with that desperate sense of begging for forgiveness.
Forgiveness he didn’t need to ask from me, I realized. This was hard enough for him. Suddenly, all I wanted was to take away that desperate look in his eyes that said he didn’t know if I could ever trust him again.
But of course I would. And for every last second we had together, I would treasure him with everything I had.
I ran forward, and he pushed off the wall, and we met in the middle, him grabbing me around the waist and lifting me off my feet to spin me once as he buried his face in my shoulder.
When he set me down, he stayed holding me like that, and I just held him back.
“I’m so sorry, Samael,” I said, tears flooding as the emotion I’d held back with anger finally came forward. I held him so tight I worried one of us would break. “I’m sorry I wasted our time being angry.”
“No, no,” he said, kissing me everywhere on my hair, my face, my neck, like he wanted to shower me with affection and soothing. As I felt wetness, I realized he was emotional too. “Cleo, you have nothing to apologize for. It’s me.”
“It’s not fair,” I said, crying, a sob stuck in my throat as I held on tightly. As I tried to imagine ever being able to let him go.
