When I heard the door open again I sighed, not looking forward to more questions. I took my time opening my eyes again and almost jerked upright at the sight of Kai in the chair beside my bed. But the movement made my head spin and I dropped back down.
“Hey, take it easy,” he said, leaning forward.
“You didn’t leave.”
“Not yet,” he said. “But we will. I should never have come back. I wanted to see you again so desperately, I begged James to buy your old house. I never could have anticipated Andrej would show up for one of his ‘casual visits.’ He’s one of James’s old acquaintances, who he could never quite shake even though his moral line landed very far from ours. I should have told James that I wasn’t comfortable with him being here. If I did, none of this would have happened.”
“You can’t think like that.”
“But I should have—”
I shook my head again to stop him. “After what happened two years ago, I kept thinking I deserved to be punished. That my mom died because of my choices. That you were forced to leave because I was a coward. And now you’re a...”
Kai’s fingers tightened around mine, stopping me from saying the word. “I never thought it was your fault.”
“But I did, and I let myself think that being trapped in this crap town was a punishment. It made me desperate enough to try to trade another life for a chance to escape. I’m sorry that I tried to turn James in to the NVRD. It wasn’t right.”
Kai blinked in confusion. “The reward money was so you could leave?”
“College tuition.” I tried to shrug, but my aching muscles protested.
“But you didn’t turn us in. I heard.”
“Because I realized I needed to finally stand up for something.”
Kai lifted my hand to his cheek. He used to do that all the time and I smiled at the memory. “I almost lost you today because I let my anger get the best of me. That’s what I did before, too. I let myself get so angry that you’d give up on us, I ran too far away from you.”
“Is that why you became...” I couldn’t finish the question.
Kai looked thoughtful before saying, “No, that was a choice I made for myself.”
I nodded. “If it’s what you need, then I’m happy for you.”
“And what about you? What makes you happy?”
“I think that letting go of all the blame I collected will help. And I think...” I trailed off, still a little scared of saying this, but I knew I had to. “I was wondering, if you’re really leaving town again, is that offer still open? For me to come, too?”
For a moment Kai didn’t move, then a slow smile spread and he nodded. “Always. I want you to be with me wherever I go.”
“Then I want to finally say the thing I should’ve said the first time.” I pulled his hand up to press it to my heart. “Yes.”
Banes and Blessings
byHAFSAH FAIZAL
EVERY BANE HASits blessing.That is what Aziza told Driss weeks ago when he stumbled through the door, barely containing the smile on his face because the too-long drought in Marrakech is finally over.
His grandmother is wise, but this is a bane they’ve suffered enough of, and it’s okay that she doesn’t share his joy, because he’s happy enough for the both of them. Sudden and loud enough to dull the part of him that feels alone, missing something. Someone.
Driss grips the fraying handhold as the bus makes a turn with a heavy snort, and he catches a whiff of the local patisserie beneath the stink of vehicle exhaust. They’re nearing his favorite part of the commute, the reason he makes it a habit to ride this long, winding route at 4:15 every afternoonwhen he could just say yes to Karim and hitch a ride on his motorbike home from the souk where they both work.
It’s worth it, Driss tells himself as the bus hits every last pothole and the woman next to him reeks of nauseating perfume and the man a few rows ahead thunders into his phone.
It’s worth it, because of her.
For that tiny glimpse he gets when the bus chugs this way. When he catches sight of midnight tresses and scarlet raiment. Every evening, in that very same spot. Sometimes, she’ll turn. Sometimes, she’s facing away from him. Most days, he thinks he’s conjured her straight from his mind, because there are no houses by this stretch of the River Tensift, just a copse and a picking of boulders, and yet she’s always there, down by the water, red silks as vibrant as the day before.
It’s been two weeks since the rains started, two weeks since the girl appeared by the river, two weeks of holding imaginary conversations in his head. If Karim knew what Driss was doing, he’d laugh.
