Page 91 of Eternally Yours


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“It’s not important.”

“So this is the person you’ve become?” He sounded so sad and I yearned to console him.

But I didn’t turn. I didn’t want to see his disappointment.

“I guess so,” I choked out. “You’re lucky you got free of me and all my messy baggage.”

I’d managed to drive a block away before the tears finally fell free.

I drove mindlessly, not caring where I was going.

Kai was a vampire.

The thought raced through my head over and over again along with a dozen questions. When? How?

Kai was a vampire.

Which meant he’d died.

Two people I’d loved had died. And I couldn’t help but feel that both deaths were my fault.

If not for me, Kai never would have gotten arrested. He’d never have felt the need to leave town.

If not for me, my mom would never have been so upset. She’d never have collapsed.

I should have let Kai go when my parents first insisted I break up with him. I shouldn’t have held on to him so tightly. But I’d been so scared of having to live without him. Of giving up the one person who saw me.

Kai was wrong: I hadn’t changed. I’d always been a coward trying to find the easiest way around things. Too scared to do anything too big to change my life, however much I felt weighed down by it.

That fateful night was still seared into my memory. Two years ago, while secretly meeting in our spot—a house in theneighborhood, still under construction—we’d fallen asleep and lost track of time. My dad had called the cops. I think he knew somehow that I was with Kai and he was furious. My dad hated when he wasn’t obeyed. And my mom had always been too meek to stand up to him. I’d hated her for it up until the night she died. And the guilt I felt over that still burned low like embers in my chest.

When the cops came, Kai told me to hide. And I did. I’m still ashamed of how I cowered in the crawl space under the half-finished stairs and just watched as the police questioned Kai. As they took him out in cuffs.

Mom and Dad were waiting for me when I got home. Dad was furious at me for sneaking around. And the more he yelled, the more it became clear he’d been the one to call the cops. And I just lost it. All I could see in my mind were the cops walking Kai to their car with the lights flashing and half the block gaping at him like some criminal. I’d yelled at my dad for the first time in my life that night.

We didn’t notice my mom’s distress until she suddenly collapsed.

They said it was an aneurysm. They said there was no predicting it. But all I could think was that I had done this to her. She’d died hearing me scream that my parents were ruining my life.

So when Kai came to me a couple days after the funeral asking me to leave town with him, I’d said no. I knew that we were wrong for sneaking around. I blamed myself for my mother’s death but I think, in my grief and anger, I also letmyself blame Kai. If I hadn’t been with him that night, none of this would have happened and maybe my mother would still be alive.

I’d let the guilt swallow me until I couldn’t even look at him anymore as he walked away. As I let him walk away. And I’ve regretted it ever since.

But that had been my pattern. Being too scared to break ties with everything that was familiar to me. Even though everything I was familiar with felt like an ill-fitting outfit, handed down and not quite tailored to my awkward frame. Still I kept quiet. Hoping the issues would disappear like morning dew evaporating in the sun. But instead, the sun had dried me up until I was a shriveled husk, walking through the motions of life.

I slammed my fist against my steering wheel in frustration, making the horn sound. A woman walking her dog jumped in surprised, then aimed a sharp glare at me. I gave a small wave of apology.

I realized I’d driven to the back of the subdivision. To a dead end. To the very house where I used to meet up with Kai. A bigFOR SALE BY BANKsign stood in front of it. There had been a lot of foreclosures in our neighborhood with the economic collapse. Was it coincidence that the house sat empty like it had two years ago?

There was a knock on my window and I jumped. The seat belt dug into my lap at the movement. Andrej stood outside and I considered driving away. But from the look in his eyes, I had a feeling he wouldn’t let me.

I rolled down my window, forcing a smile. “Did you need something?”

“I just wanted to have a chat,” he said, leaning into the window.

“Chat about what?”

Instead of answering, he smiled slowly, showing his teeth. Showing his fangs. And I didn’t even see his hand move. Didn’t even feel him grip my neck before I was slammed forward into the steering wheel with so much force that I blacked out.