“Are you going to tell me the real reason you came here?”
“What?” I was practically holding my breath with him so close. Like I was afraid of breathing him in. Like I knew how he would intoxicate me. “No... I mean, I told you the reason.”
His brow lifted. It was so perfect. Had it always been? “That hasn’t changed,” he murmured.
“What?” I wished he’d take a step back so I could breathe. But at the same time I didn’t want him going anywhere. Having him so close, his body blocking out the rest of the world, I felt oddly safe.
“You’re still bad at lying.”
“I am not.” I frowned.
“So, you admit you’re lying?” He grinned. And for a moment I saw a flicker of the old Kai. The one who would tease me mercilessly until I told him what was bothering me. The one who would sit for hours with me on the brick walloutside of school because we both didn’t want to go home. The one who let me complain to him about how my mom never listened and my dad never cared. The one who called me out on my bullshit. The one who cared enough to see the bullshit in the first place.
“I can’t... I can’t think.” I shook my head a little too emphatically. Dizzy, I started to sway. His hands wrapped around my back to hold me up by pressing me into him. And my hands splayed across his chest. I could feel a steady pulse under my palm. It was slow, too slow. He’d always been fit before, but now it was like holding on to marble. “You got stronger,” I said before I could stop myself.
And his smile fell along with his hands.
He took a step back. “What are you looking for?”
“Ah.” I looked around as an excuse not to meet his eyes. Damn him—now I was self-conscious that he would catch me in another lie. “It’s just a photograph, of my mom.”
“Oh,” he said, his voice lowering, his face sobering. “Of course, yes. If I find it I’ll make sure you get it.”
Guilt suddenly bloomed in my chest. He looked so sad at the mention of my mom. He must pity me. Poor girl whose mother died. Poor girl who made her mother die.
“I guess I’ll get going.” I had to get out of there. Being so close to him made it hard to think clearly. I hadn’t mentally prepared myself for this. How did you mentally prepare for seeing the only boy you’d ever loved? And lost?
But I hesitated before opening the door. A part of me worried that this was a moment I’d never get anotherchance at. And I had so many regrets already in my life. I didn’t want another one.
“I think about you sometimes,” I said, keeping my back to Kai. “I don’t mean to, but I do.”
“What do you think about?” he asked quietly, and I could tell that he’d stepped closer, that if I turned around, I could reach out and pull him to me. So I gripped the doorknob tighter to keep myself anchored to my spot.
“I think about what could have been,” I admitted. “If I’d said yes. If I’d just left with you.”
“Do you regret it?” Was that anxiety I heard in his voice? Was he worried about how I’d answer?
Finally, I turned and I was right, he was close.
What was I supposed to say? What difference would it make if I told him the truth? It felt like if I did now, it would be so selfish. A way for me to unburden my heart by pressuring his. And the weird thing was that however much he’d changed, I knew he’d still let me. Listen patiently as I poured my heart out. But I didn’t have a right to do that anymore, so I kept quiet.
“I might have thought of you,” he said, leaning into me, his hands pressed into the doorway on either side of me. “Or at least, I’ve thought of parts of you. Like how dark your hair is, almost pure black. How your eyes got sleepy whenever I held you close. And...”
“And?” I asked, wanting him to continue. Yearning for it so badly that I felt like I was willing it with all my being.
And then he said it. “Your lips.”
Then he was kissing me. The touch of his mouth againstmine brought a heat that pierced through my heart and into my core. My whole body lit up. It felt like I had been sleepwalking and was finally awoken, feeling something other than the numb existence that had ruled my life for the past two years. My arms snaked around his neck. I wanted more of him, as much as I could touch at once. I wound my leg around his, trying to pull him closer to me.
He solved the problem by picking me up by my waist and spinning us both to sit me on the desk. I heard the clatter of the pencil holder falling to the ground, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to wrap myself around Kai. To absorb the intense heat that seemed to be emanating from our joined bodies.
“Kai,” a deep voice said. “Are you—oh.”
Kai and I broke apart and I stared, horrified, at the two men by the now-open door.
James’s pale skin was contrasted by his dark hair. Now that I thought of it, he did look like he could be Kai’s uncle on the Asian side of the family. But more likely he was his great-great-great-uncle. He was staring at me, and I realized he was confused that I was in Kai’s room when he’d never seen me come into the house.
The man standing beside James was... chilling. I’d read that some vampires didn’t even try to hide what they were. They wore it proudly, almost like armor. And it worked for this one. My hands began to shake and no matter how I gripped them together, they wouldn’t stop.
