Page 19 of Into the Dark
He holds my gaze a moment more and smiles sadly again before letting me go and moving off toward the castle. My breathing speeds up with the same kind of panic and desperation I felt that day in the kitchen. When he reaches Mark, a strange look passes between them—a look worryingly similar to the one Mark and I share. As though they too have a bond, which I suppose they do. I suppose all three of us are bonded together in some twisted, unwanted way.
Jake looks so strong as he walks away from me, powerful and decisive, and for some reason that makes everything hurt a little more. When he reaches the door he stops and looks back at me. The look says so much. But there’s an overwhelming determination on his face that makes me want to cry. I try to smile or speak or scream something, but nothing happens. Jake is stronger though. As always. He manages to smile. The same beautiful but regretful smile he’s had on his face since I first set eyes on him tonight. Then he turns and disappears inside.
As soon as we’re alone Mark turns to me. I have to try very hard not to snarl.
“And exactly what did you two talk about?” He narrows his eyes, suspicious.
“And exactly what business is that of yours?” I blink, incredulous.
Mark sighs. “Alex, I thought we talked about this. About him and you.” He sounds like my dad now. Except not in a good way.
“Oh, was that when you came to my house to tell me he was a woman beater and a rapist?” I give him a hard stare.
He shifts, looking uncomfortable. “There was reason to suspect—”
“Oh, please. You wanted to drag his name and my opinion of him through the mud with or without any reason to suspect, let’s not kid ourselves, Mark.”
He doesn’t deny it. “Well, it doesn’t change a bloody thing. It doesn’t change who he is or what he is.”
“Actually, it does. It changes everything,” I snap. “Why didn’t you tell me he went to prison as a child? You made me believe he was a monster.”
“And what about the sort of people he’s involved with—the sort of people he works for?”
“As much as I’m sure you’d love it to be the case, that’s not enough to condemn a man, Mark, and you know it.”
“You still don’t know who he is, Alex,” he pleads.
“I know exactly who he is, Mark. I know who he is when he’s with me.”
He’s the man I love.
“Mark, what the hell are you doing out here?” Robyn’s voice arrives high-pitched and annoyed from the door. She comes hurrying toward me, glaring at Mark as she passes. “Did you ask Jake to leave?” she asks, eyes filled with concerned. “Did you not want to see him?”
“I didn’t ask him to leave.” I shake my head. “He just…I think he felt he had to.”
“So you talked. Did you guys fix it?”
“Not really…” I shake my head and look down.
“But you want to. You still love him. You love him and you want to fix it, right?” She sounds as panicked as I feel.
“Maybe it’s not supposed to be fixed, Rob. Maybe—”
“Oh, Alex, that is bullshit. I saw the look on your face when you saw him tonight. What happened? I don’t understand. Why are you letting him leave? You love him, right? He loves you. He’s utterly in love with you, and you love him, and he’s leaving.” She points in the direction he went.
“Robyn, you have no idea what you’re doing. You need to let this go,” says Mark.
Rob turns on him. “Um, excuse me? What the hell does any of this have to do with you? This is my best friend and the man she loves we’re talking about. This is her heart we’re talking about. And last time I checked, you had absolutely no input in any of that, so please extract yourself from the situation now. Goodbye.” She’s a little drunk and emotional, and it’s partly the champagne talking, but I have to commend her spirit.
Mark squeezes the bridge of his nose, looking irritated. “Robyn, listen to me. You have no clue what he—”
“Sherlock, you are trying my last nerve. Now piss off,” she snaps. When she turns to me again her eyes are serious. “Alex, listen. When I invited him he didn’t want to come—he was convinced you never wanted to see him again. So I convinced him he had to try, and he did. He was shitting himself, but he came because he loves you. Now you have to try.” She smiles and puts her palm to my cheek. “Do you remember what I said to you that day in the restaurant? All of it still stands. You’ll regret this for the rest of your life if you don’t do what’s in here.” She touches her hand to her heart.
“You make it sound simple, but it’s not. It’s not as simple as that, Rob.”
“Alex, it is as simple as that. That’s all there is. This is your life and your happiness we’re talking about. I don’t know what happened between you, but I saw how you looked at him—I see it. You love him. And he loves you. And so fuck everyone and everything else.” She glares at Mark again. “It’s just you and him. That’s it. It’s that simple.”
I stare at her and think of my life as I want it to be. I try to forget about everything else, all the things I know about him and all the things I don’t know. I told him once I can’t love a man like him. But I can’t not love him either. I don’t want to. I want him. I always will. Everything else…can be managed.
