Page 71 of Snow Falls Over Starry Cove
16
Nostromo, Joseph Conrad
When I get back to Heatherton Hall, angry and humiliated, my head and heart full of questions and doubts that only she can solve, I find my grandmother sitting in the dark drawing room with the curtains drawn and only the fire and the Christmas tree lights on. I’d decided not to take them down when she’d snapped at me. And since she hasn’t asked me to remove them again, I boldly left them up. I’m sure that Nano would have wanted her to celebrate Christmas even without him.
As I near her, she seems to be crying. I honestly didn’t think she was capable of such a simple human gesture. But I guess I was wrong. She may just have a heart, after all.
‘Grandm… Mrs Heatherton, are you alright? What’s wrong?’
‘Oh! Emily, you frightened me. One usually knocks upon entering a room.’
Fooled you, didn’t she? You and me both. With a suppressed sigh, I sit opposite her fragile form that harbours a heart and mind of steel.
I wish I’d met her years ago. I wish we’d had a relationship to speak of, rather than this strange stalemate situation where I don’t know where I stand. She doesn’t seem even remotely interested in the fact that we share the same DNA.
Is she simply tolerating me for the love of her late husband? Why is it so difficult for her to accept me as her own flesh and blood? Why can’t she put her tumultuous relationship with her daughter behind her, especially now as she’s no longer with us? I’d forgiven my mother a plethora of misgivings.
But now I find it hard to forgive my mother for never telling me any of this. I lost out on having a grandfather watching me grow up. I never had the chance to show him the poems I wrote in Year 3 or to hold his hand during an autumnal walk through the park. Or to cry on his shoulder about Joe Hawkins who bullied me (undisturbed by my parents) all the way through primary school.
I know he’d have been a better father than my own. Most people say that grandparents love their grandchildren even more than they love their own children. Which wouldn’t be a hard record for anyone to beat where my parents were concerned. With Nano, I feel like I’ve lost him twice, and now I’m struggling to connect with my distant grandmother.
‘What’s upset you? Has Jago got anything to do with this?’ I ask.
She dabs at her nose daintily with a lace handkerchief and looks up at me, her voice trembling. ‘So you’ve spoken to him.’
I shrug. ‘I’m trying to get him to reason about the inheritance. He says that I have no claim over what wasn’t Nano’s to give in the first place. What does that mean?’
‘It means that he’s a liar and a thief, among other things.’
‘He seems like a lonely man. The drinking—’
‘The drinking is the least of his problems.’
‘It’s like he’s got a beef with the world. I wonder what it is.’
She sits up, alarmed. ‘You stay away from that man, Emily! Do you hear me?’
‘I… Of course. I was just wondering—’
‘No, no wondering! He is trouble in capital letters and never brought anyone any good.’
‘Alright, please don’t get upset. I don’t intend to speak to him outside of business anyway.’
‘Excellent. Maybe you do have slightly more salt in that head of yours than your mother did. I meant what I said. If you see him socially, I will see to it that you are disinherited. Do you understand?’
I sigh. ‘Please don’t take this the wrong way, but when I came here to Cornwall to meet you, I had no idea you had means. I only came to meet my grandmother. So please understand that you can’t bully me into doing what you want by threatening me with losing something that I don’t actually care about. I’ve always had to work hard for everything in life, so not inheriting a penny doesn’t scare me.’
At that, her face changes. I don’t know her well enough to understand this expression I’ve never seen before, but I can tell she’s not pleased. As she says nothing, I’m assuming I’m not on her black list quite yet, so I sit a while in silence, watching as the fire spits and hisses, an occasional crack reverberating in the room like a distant gunshot.
Having established that, the other elephant – Jago’s claim to my inheritance – is still looming largely in the room. Jago isn’t someone who can be ignored easily. Whether you like it or not, he gets under your skin and tests your limits the way no one else can. He’s a force to be reckoned with.
‘Please, make an effort,’ I whisper after a few moments.
She turns and studies me with those beautiful yet cold eyes but says nothing.
‘Does my existence mean absolutely nothing to you?’ I insist. ‘Talk to me. Tell me what you’rethinking…’
She grips her armrests and closes her eyes.
