Page 27 of Reclaimed Dreams
Jo rolled to her side and rested her head in his lap. “I do trust you. I’m just so tired of living out of boxes and not having a stable routine. I’m tired of being in limbo. So tired…”
She closed her eyes, and he felt her body go slack against his. This incredible woman had mothered four children all day and still come to pitch in on the construction. He knew her strength wasn’t boundless, but some days it was easy to forget. “So impatient. Don’t worry, babe. We’re almost there.”
Vowing to pay his guys out of his own pocket for a few days work to speed things along, Dom held his wife while she slept curled up on the newly sanded hardwood floors of their home.
2 years ago
Jo walked into a quiet empty house late Friday night. The charity dance had been a success at raising money for the local library, but the rest of the evening had fallen flat. None of her new friends could understand why she wasn’t spending time with Alessandro anymore. Alessi himself was behaving like a petulant child. And to add insult to injury, the food had been mediocre and the cash bar laughable. She knew fundraisers typically tried to put the bulk of the money raised toward the charity, but really? Serving three-buck Chuck at an event in Wine Country, California?
She was annoyed, but mostly with herself. She’d signed up for the event, in spite of its Friday date, hoping that Dom would come with her. He’d barely taken notice when she’d told him about the dinner, too busy tapping away on his phone to even look up. How was she supposed to figure out how to repair her marriage with him if he wouldn’t even listen to her?
She tossed her purse on the bench by the door and walked back to the kitchen for a proper glass of red wine. She drew up short at the pile of pizza boxes on the counter. The recycling bin was full of beer bottles, the garbage full of paper plates. They’d had Friday dinner without her. She poured her glass of wine and drank deeply.
She could admit that she’d deliberately not canceled with the kids, because she had wanted Dom to have to handle it. She’d hoped he’d talk to the kids about skipping a Friday because she had an event, and perhaps be guilted into going with her. Worst case, he’d flounder a bit and appreciate her a little bit more.
Instead, he’d ordered pizza and had a party with their kids without her.
This was what she could look forward to if she left. Family events split between them. Missing out on half of everything, because if she left, she didn’t think she’d have the strength to be around him as a friend.
Was her protest worth it? She didn’t want to give up the family she’d spent her life building. She didn’t want to lose the closeness with her children or access to her grandchildren once they started arriving. She just wanted to move out of the rut she’d been in for too many years. There were so many things she wanted to do and see and try. Was it so wrong to want to be done working before she was too old and decrepit to enjoy things?
Pouring herself a second glass of pity wine, Jo picked at a piece of cold pizza. No. No, it wasn’t wrong, or too much, or selfish, but sometimes rebellion was exhausting. If she didn’t have everything riding on this working out in her favor, she’d choose to go back to the way things had been, as unhappy and empty as she’d felt. At least it would be a familiar pain, one she knew how to deal with, instead of this constantly feeling off-balance. But her pride and her stubborn streak wouldn’t let her go backward.
She hoped to God Dom would catch up soon. She was lonelier than she’d ever been before. Finishing her slice and her glass of wine, she quietly climbed the stairs, dragging her hand over the railing she’d refinished with Sofia so many years ago. Turning away from the vacant bedrooms that no longer housed her children, toward the room she’d shared with Dom for decades, her chest felt empty too. Why did this house she’d worked so hard on no longer feel like home?
She tiptoed to her side of the bed and quietly changed into pajamas before washing her face and brushing her teeth in the bathroom Dom had built to her specifications. She held back a sob as she climbed into bed. Dom kept his back to her, but his soft words reached her anyway.
“We missed you tonight.”
The words burned on her tongue in reply. I miss you too, she wanted to say, even though that wasn’t what he’d meant. She wanted to roll over and feel his strong arms pull her close and his soft lips kiss her worries away. But she couldn’t without giving up everything she’d been fighting for.
So she stayed quiet and let her pillow absorb her tears. She didn’t want this life alone, but it seemed she couldn’t have it with him in it either.
